November 8, 2009 8:02 pm at 8:02 pm #590765Joe SchmoMember
Any suggestions?November 8, 2009 9:18 pm at 9:18 pm #667290Be HappyParticipant
Most bullies are very troubled people. I think this should be the first consideration whether you are a parent tutor or victim.November 8, 2009 9:31 pm at 9:31 pm #667291NY MomMember
Can you give more details? Is it a daughter? Son? Older or younger child?
Without more details I’d just say discuss it with the teacher/principal.November 8, 2009 9:46 pm at 9:46 pm #667292haifagirlParticipant
Are you asking as an adult dealing with an adult bully or a parent whose child is being bullied?November 8, 2009 9:49 pm at 9:49 pm #667293smartcookieMember
If this involves kids then ur asking the wrong pple. Plse contact a chinuch professional for this. This is too serious for a coffee room.November 9, 2009 12:21 am at 12:21 am #667294skatesMember
Rabbi Dr. Twersky deals alot with this issue in his books and articles. He emphesizes that to overcome a bully you need to be assertive about the other person’s wrong doing WITHOUT coming across as being over emotional. When the bully sees that his pranks or insults do not ellict the response he/she wants, they move on to next person!
I have worked with young boys before and i have seen this…the good boys who don’t get tormented by the bullies, are those that are assertive and nonchalant…they simply say “whats your problem? go bother someone else” or “I don’t care what you have to say, your words/actions don’t bother me…”
It may take some time and a few unsuccessful attempts from the bully side to get the response he wants, but once bully realizes that he/she won’t get it from that kid, they get bored and move on to a differen victim…
Of course a teacher and principal should be consulted and advised about this but
it is a very important skill to teach a child to stand up for themselves in a non aggressive and assertive way.November 9, 2009 4:23 am at 4:23 am #667297pookieMember
go to the the kosher gym, get ripped, than fight the kid!November 9, 2009 4:50 am at 4:50 am #667298tamazaballMember
tell me a little bit more about this bully, ?November 9, 2009 4:53 am at 4:53 am #667299Joe SchmoMember
Barack Hussein Obama…..November 9, 2009 5:08 am at 5:08 am #667300BemusedParticipant
Thanks for the laugh :).
I wish I had some advice for you…November 9, 2009 5:14 am at 5:14 am #667301tamazaballMember
if you really want some help, youll really need to start talkingNovember 9, 2009 6:21 am at 6:21 am #667302ronrsrMember
most schools have anti-bullying education and programs in place these days. Have you contacted the school?November 9, 2009 12:14 pm at 12:14 pm #667303PosterMember
Speak to the parents, some parent think their child is behaving beautifully while all the chil is craving is some extra snack…November 9, 2009 6:37 pm at 6:37 pm #667304mazcaMember
I know parents that encourge their kids to be bullies.November 9, 2009 9:08 pm at 9:08 pm #667305haifagirlParticipant
I think some of the people have missed the point of this thread. To recap:
Title: Dealing with a bully
Joe Schmo: Any suggestions?
tamazaball: tell me a little bit more about this bully, ?
Joe Shmo: Barack Hussein Obama…..November 9, 2009 10:03 pm at 10:03 pm #667306BemusedParticipant
I was waiting for someone to point that out- I should have know you’ll pull through! 🙂 Perhaps Obama is just craving some snack? 🙂November 9, 2009 10:44 pm at 10:44 pm #667307YW Moderator-80Member
How do you like that.
And all along I thought we were talking about YW Editor 😉November 9, 2009 10:45 pm at 10:45 pm #667308komaMember
The man on the street concept is that a fat lip (metaphor) is very educational for these “troubled people.” I have had success in business broadcasting a distinct ‘dont mess with me’ message to those for whom it was necessary.April 15, 2017 10:29 pm at 10:29 pm #1254427zaltzvasserParticipant
Bump.April 16, 2017 1:39 pm at 1:39 pm #1254574The little I knowParticipant
I would rather hear others’ opinions on this. There are two separate issues here, and they should be discussed individually. One thing is about how victims of bullying should handle the bully. There is a completely different issue how a school should deal with the bully. It needs to be borne in mind that bullies tend to be those with various forms of “pull”, either parents who are substantial supporters, good students themselves, or related/connected to senior faculty/administration. This usually leads to bullies being able to get away with their behavior for quite some time. It also explains why the victims, who are generally afraid to speak up, tend to be disbelieved, while the bullies are somehow trusted in their denial of responsibility. From my observation, it takes major interventions (expulsion or arrest) for a bully to stop and to change.April 16, 2017 3:16 pm at 3:16 pm #1254720lesschumrasParticipant
That happened to my grandson years ago. Their was a bully on the bus bothering him and the yeshiva refused to act. Finally, my grandson, who normally shies from physical behavior, warned the bully to stop, punched him in the jaw and knocked him down. He told the bully if he kept picking on him, he’ll knock him down again. The bullying stopped.
The bully went crying to the administration who demanded an investigation. All the boys on the bus said the bully tripped and fell on his ownApril 16, 2017 3:26 pm at 3:26 pm #1254724
TLIK -“I would rather hear others’ opinions on this.”
I was bullied in school. Some of them turned out alright, but some of them, continued with their behavior. Which eventually, either they got divorced or had miserable marriage(s)!
A lot of the bullies had protectzia from people in charge.April 18, 2017 9:32 pm at 9:32 pm #1254796
Health – I’m so sorry that you had to suffer like that! It must be awful to be bullied!April 19, 2017 2:18 am at 2:18 am #1255006
LU -“Health – I’m so sorry that you had to suffer like that! It must be awful to be bullied”
So many bad things have happened to me, I don’t occupy my mind with any previous bullying!April 19, 2017 8:41 pm at 8:41 pm #1257782
It might have been the cause of the later happenings. The things that happen in one’s childhood can have lasting effects.
In any case, I’m sorry to hear that, and I hope your life changes for the better very soon!April 20, 2017 2:42 pm at 2:42 pm #1258285
LU -“It might have been the cause of the later happenings. The things that happen in one’s childhood can have lasting effects”
That’s very much a Freudian statement. I do believe in psychology, but not in Freud. He was a big Apikorus!April 20, 2017 2:48 pm at 2:48 pm #1258300👑RebYidd23Participant
Freud was wrong about a lot of things, but he was also probably right about at least some things, which means that labeling a statement as Freudian should not be counted as labeling it true or false.April 20, 2017 6:14 pm at 6:14 pm #1258399
RY – maskim. Looking at things from a Torah perspective means that while on the one hand, you don’t automatically accept things because they come from Freud,etc, neither do you automatically disregard them just because Freud or whoever agreed with them.
If it is in fact a Torah hashkafa, which I believe it is, that means that it predated Freud and that he actually got it from the Torah (although it may have been indirectly).
Someone I know told me that he once asked Rav Matisyahu Salomon shlita about the concept that if we see that there is chachma amongst the Goyim, we should believe it (I can’t remember the exact phrase, but I think it’s from Chazal). I think his question may have been, “How can there be chachma outside of Torah?” The Mashgiach Shlita’s response was that any chachma the goyim have that is really emes they got from the Torah.
A very high percentage of psychology theorists are Jewish, so it is reasonable to assume that many of their ideas are based on Torah, although of course, many are complete kefira, so one must be very careful.
In terms of this specific idea, I think that it is completely based on Torah, and I think that one could probably find many sources to support it.April 21, 2017 4:10 pm at 4:10 pm #1258812
LU – Actually I heard indirectly from R’ Salomon, that you can take psychology in college nowadays because mostly it’s not Freudian based. That was one of the reasons Gedolim were against college, once upon a time!April 22, 2017 9:38 pm at 9:38 pm #1258863
First of all, thank you very much for sharing what the Mashgiach said.
Second of all, it doesn’t contradict what I wrote. The fact that he doesn’t think that one should study Freudian psychology in college doesn’t mean that it’s impossible that there could be a random statement or two that Freud made that happen to be true.
In any case, I don’t think I got that idea from Freud. I think that I actually got it from the Torah. The idea that early influences are very strong is very much a Torah-based concept. If you want, when I have a chance, I will try to come up with and post some examples, b”n.April 23, 2017 7:32 am at 7:32 am #1258930
LU -“The idea that early influences are very strong is very much a Torah-based concept”
You’re right! Like Ben Sorr Oomorah. The Torah also has a solution, & it’s not go to therapy!April 23, 2017 11:52 am at 11:52 am #1259125
“You’re right! Like Ben Sorr Oomorah.”
So you do agree with my original point then.
“The Torah also has a solution, & it’s not go to therapy!”
No one was talking about therapy or about solutions. The only point I had made was that early influences have a strong effect. You thought that wasn’t true because Freud (also) said it. But as you just pointed out, he wasn’t the originator of the concept – it actually comes from the Torah.April 23, 2017 12:04 pm at 12:04 pm #1259147👑RebYidd23Participant
When it comes to problems like bullying, the right thing to do is different based on the individual case, because the same action can have wildly different results.April 23, 2017 3:37 pm at 3:37 pm #1259296rebshidduchParticipant
Joe schmo, get your parents involved.April 23, 2017 3:38 pm at 3:38 pm #1259544
LU -“You thought that wasn’t true because Freud (also) said it”
That was your misinterpretation! Nowhere did I write about the truthfulness of your statements.
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