March 5, 2018 3:14 pm at 3:14 pm #1481109☕️coffee addictParticipant
I was going to post a time-travel joke, but you didn’t like it
That joke is sooooo oldMarch 6, 2018 5:19 pm at 5:19 pm #1483077Out-of-townerParticipant
Why does the chosson crack the glass at the wedding?
Because it is the last time he is putting his foot down.March 6, 2018 7:56 pm at 7:56 pm #1483121
Why does the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
Why does the Lubavitcher cross the road? To be mekarev the chicken.March 6, 2018 7:56 pm at 7:56 pm #1483128
A religious man and a chaver hakneses were walking together. The chaver haknesses was not nice to the religious man so he wanted to tell him off. He told him, three beings complained to Hashem, the alyah revii. alenu and a mamzir. The revii was complaining that people don’t consider it important. Alenu was complaining that people run out and the mamzir was complaining that it is not his fault. Each was repaid. The revii was placed in the shira and alenu in Rosh Hashono and Yom Kippur musaf prayer.
Asks the chavrei knesses what about the mamzir? Answers the religious man, he was made chaver haknesses.March 7, 2018 9:13 pm at 9:13 pm #1484529
A student wanted a letter of acknowledgement of his learning abilities. The rebbe signed it on the bottom of the page. He said it says, מדבר שקר תרחק.July 24, 2018 10:36 am at 10:36 am #1563533
Wikipedia has a page called “Category:Positions within the British Royal Household.”
It’s not a joke, but it might amuse you.August 3, 2018 9:43 am at 9:43 am #1568863
When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that
G-d doesn’t work that way – so I just stole one and asked Him to forgive me!
So I’m at the Wailing Wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon…August 16, 2018 1:45 pm at 1:45 pm #1575154MasmidInTrainingParticipant
Why can’t you have a dry שלום זכר?
צריך ביאור.August 16, 2018 11:33 pm at 11:33 pm #1575877
A friend, whose name is Sheye said that it is good that his father did not call him also Getzel because than he would have been called Sheygetzel.November 20, 2018 6:56 pm at 6:56 pm #1627795
From an AI’s attempt to generate CNN headlines (real):
Why the Stock Market is Trying to Get a Lot of Money
The US China Trade War is so Middle Class
Bank of the Stock Market is Now Now the Biggest Ever
The Best Way to Avoid Your Money
How Much You Need to Know About the New York City
How to Make a New Tax Law for Your Boss
The Stock Market Market is the Most Powerful Money
Goldman Sachs is a New Super Bowl
Facebook is Buying a Big Big Deal
Why Apps in the Country
5 Ways to Trump on Chipotle Industry is the Random Wedding
Premarket Stocks Surge on Report of Philadelphia Starbucks Starbucks Starbucks
Companies behaving badly:
Walmart Grilled With a New Leader in Murder Tech
Coca-Cola is Scanning Your Messages for Big Chinese Tech
Amazon Wants to Make Money Broadcasting from Your Phone
Should I Pay My Workers
Amazon is Recalling 1 Trillion Jobs
Star Wars Episode IX Has New Lime Blazer
Mister Rogers in Washington
Black Panther Crushes the iPhone XS and XS Max Max
How to Build a Flying Car Car
You Make Doom Stocks
The Fly Species Came Back to Life
India Gets a Bad Mocktail Non Alcoholic Spirit
How to Buy a NightmareJanuary 3, 2019 1:06 pm at 1:06 pm #1656828Not commentingParticipant
One day a man walked in to a bar…
Ouch!January 3, 2019 2:20 pm at 2:20 pm #1656908👑RebYidd23Participant
“Amazon Wants to Make Money Broadcasting from Your Phone” is something that could potentially make sense.January 30, 2019 3:50 pm at 3:50 pm #1671145knaidlachParticipant
yankel suggested to berel for keeping mice away, to put a piece of afikoman at the hole where they are coming from, once they eat from the afikoman they are not allowed to eat anymore, so they wont come back.
berel asked, how do the mice know this halacha?
yankel answered, the mice ate up in my house a whole SHULCHAN ARUCHMay 17, 2020 10:20 am at 10:20 am #1861334
Courtesy of Dan of DansDeals:
Q: What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary?
A: An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names.June 26, 2020 2:39 am at 2:39 am #1876866
If you’ve probably forgotten jokes you read 3 years ago,
I recommend going back a page (to 40).March 7, 2022 8:14 am at 8:14 am #2066746
A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.
“Oh, about $200 today,” said the rancher. “But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I’m out.”
The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.
“Here,” he said, “is the check for $900. It’s postdated six years from now.”March 7, 2022 8:15 am at 8:15 am #2066747
Harry went for a job interview. It seemed to go well because before he left, he was told, “We would like you to work for us. We’ll give you $10 an hour starting today and in three months time we’ll increase it to $15 an hour. So when would you like to start?”
Harry replies, “In about 3 months from now.”March 9, 2022 5:30 am at 5:30 am #2067580
Leah phones her husband at work, “Issy, do you have time for a chat?”
“Sorry, darling, this is not a good time – I’m about to go into a board meeting.”
“But this won’t take long,” Leah says, “I just want to tell you some good news and some bad news.”
“I really haven’t the time,” says Issy, “so just quickly tell me the good news.”
“Oh all right then, the good news is that the air bag on your new Lexus works very well.”
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