I was going to post a time-travel joke, but you didn’t like it
That joke is sooooo old
Why does the chosson crack the glass at the wedding?
Because it is the last time he is putting his foot down.
Why does the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
Why does the Lubavitcher cross the road? To be mekarev the chicken.
A religious man and a chaver hakneses were walking together. The chaver haknesses was not nice to the religious man so he wanted to tell him off. He told him, three beings complained to Hashem, the alyah revii. alenu and a mamzir. The revii was complaining that people don’t consider it important. Alenu was complaining that people run out and the mamzir was complaining that it is not his fault. Each was repaid. The revii was placed in the shira and alenu in Rosh Hashono and Yom Kippur musaf prayer.
Asks the chavrei knesses what about the mamzir? Answers the religious man, he was made chaver haknesses.
A student wanted a letter of acknowledgement of his learning abilities. The rebbe signed it on the bottom of the page. He said it says, מדבר שקר תרחק.
Wikipedia has a page called “Category:Positions within the British Royal Household.”
It’s not a joke, but it might amuse you.
When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that
G-d doesn’t work that way – so I just stole one and asked Him to forgive me!
So I’m at the Wailing Wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon…