from my friends father
THERE ONCE WAS A MAN NAMED TIM,
WHO THOUGHT HE COULD BE VERY SLIM
SO HE WENT TO THE BAKERY
AND ATE A LOT OF CAKERY
AND THEN HE WENT TO THE GYM
YWN Coffee Room » Humor & Entertainment
Limericks!
(775 posts)-
Posted 4 years ago #
-
Hope this won't make you say Ow!
But i don't want my family to have a cow,
So to my dismay,
Being its a short day,
Ill have to log off for now!Good shabbos everybody!
Posted 4 years ago # -
This thread was about logs, as I recall. Now the stam log is actually the natural log. It is the only one with the magic properties that the exponential has, which is that no matter how many times you differentiate it, it remains the same function.
Some books will write it as log, although others use ln. Matlab will use log10 for the base 10 log function. In complex variables, I think they use log or Log depending on whether it is the single valued or multi-valued function.
Anyway, regarding the magic property of the exponential, the Thomas text on Calculus has this mashal to try to explain it:
A student once came to the guru and asked, what holds up the world. The guru thought for a long time and said, an elephant. The student then asked, well, what holds up the elephant? The guru thought about it, and replied, another elephant. The student then asked, well, what holds up that elephant? The guru thought again and responded, it's elephants all the way down.
Posted 4 years ago # -
Sorry Blinky, I didn't realize that there were rules about the length of the lines. Let me try one again:
oomis1105 is thrilled to go on the date,
The Shadchan promised that the guy is great,
But the guy's a math wizard,
Who's proud of his lizard,
oomis1105 begins to plan her great escape.Posted 4 years ago # -
My dear Dr. Pepper, please note
There's a slight error in what you wrote.
Though I often sound harried,
I'm very much married.
So dating would sure rock my boat!Posted 4 years ago # -
Lol, these limericks are great
For some more I can't wait
I'm having a ball
Reading this wall
The coffee room is top rate!Ooooh...that was pretty nebby...
Posted 4 years ago # -
This motzei shabbos is long
Come let's sing a song
Why don't I go to bed
Is probably what you said
But sleeping so early just sounds wrong!Posted 4 years ago # -
Now oomis1105 if you can end the debate
about bringing ===>Purses on a Date<===
between me and Squeak
we're up the creek
Thanks, that would be grrreeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaat!Posted 4 years ago # -
There once was a man from Nantucket
who tripped and fell on bucket
He fell on his face
'Twas quite a disgrace
'Cause on his head-forever- G-d stuck it!Posted 4 years ago # -
Hey, Doc, purses are greatly needed
This point, by now, should be conceded.
Like scout troops are taught
"Be prepared,"'s a good thought,
So that thread really should be deleted!Posted 4 years ago # -
The CR's a stage for many a battle
At the drop of a hat the sabers may rattle
But I have a svora
Avoid loshon hora
And let's just stick with some meaningless prattle.Posted 4 years ago # -
A friend of mine ordered me to post this gem, ascribed to the Fallsberg Oylum:
Do you know the teitch of a shnook?
They each have their eigena kook.
They make up a shita,
Call themselves Shlita,
And make sure their name's on a book.Posted 4 years ago # -
A YOUNG YESHIVA BOCHER NAMED MOSES
DRESSED IN BLACK FROM HIS HEAD TO HIS TOESES.
HE LEARNED DAY AND NIGHT,
EVEN BY CANDLELIGHT,
HE SO TIRED THAT IN CLASS HE JUST DOZES!!THERE'S A YOUNG JEWISH LADY NAMED CARRIE
TOLD HER FOLKS SHE WAS READY TO MARRY!
HER DAD SAID "COR BLIMEY"
"I HOPE IT'S A HYMIE
AND NOT ANY TOM, DICK OR HARRY"!!MR.LEVY BUMPED INTO MR. COHEN,
"TELL ME MAX ARE YOU COMING OR GOIN'"
"MY TAX INSPECTER IS DUE
THAT'S ALWAYS A TO-DO,
I'M NOT SURE IF I'M TO-ING OR FRO-ING"!!THERE'S NO FUTURE FOR OUR MOTHERHOOD,
AS YOUNG GIRLS WILL BE MISUNDERSTOOD.
LOW CUT BLOUSES AND SHORT SKIRTS
MAKE THEM ALL LOOK LIKE FLIRTS,
AND GO AGAINST THE RULES OF THE TALMUD!!THERE WAS A YOUNG RABBI NAMED HADLEY
WHOSE CONGREGATION TREATED HIM BADLY.
A HOUSE IN A POOR STREET
HE COULD NOT MAKE ENDS MEET,
HE WALKED FROM HIS POST RATHER SADLY.THE CONGREGATION BUILT A NEW SHUL* *BET KNESSET
THE COMMITTEE SAID "LET'S HAVE A POOL"
THE POOL DREW IN THE FLOCK
AT ALL HOURS OF THE CLOCK,
IT WAS LIKENED TO AN ADULT PLAYSCHOOL!!Posted 4 years ago # -
(I was bored on shabbos so here goes...)
there once was this leader of Slobodka
Who always drank so much vodka
He was asked to step down
Cuz' he disgraced the town
So now he drinks in America!Posted 4 years ago # -
berisbab
There once was a man from Nantucket
who tripped and fell on bucket
He fell on his face
'Twas quite a disgrace
'Cause on his head-forever- G-d stuck it!Thanx for ending it! i just couldn't think of a last line! its perfect!
Posted 4 years ago # -
Im sitting at my desk here at work
Where my boss has a tendency to lurk
I hope im not rude
but im just not in the mood
uh oh here she comes...too bad i can't shirk!P.s- Dr. p- for someone who claimed to not do limericks bec. of competing with Squeak you did a pretty fine job!
Posted 4 years ago # -
The fax machine next to us always jammed
and made noises we couldn't stand
we ripped off the thing
and each took a swing
and two co-workers were canned.Posted 4 years ago # -
Today we're getting a visit from the Bobs,
Consultants who wish to slash jobs,
But I have people skills,
and lots of bills,
What a bunch of snobs!Posted 4 years ago # -
WellInformedYid You have time for this?
Arent you busy earning the "Greatest מוכיח of the Decade Award" alerting people about Halacha that is ignored"?Posted 4 years ago # -
I'm eating and eating a whole day,
And then I wonder how much I weigh,
I gained some new pounds
I just donno my bounds
Please hold while I go put my food away....Posted 4 years ago # -
Ok, I'm hungry no more,
That I know for sure,
I ate enough,
All different stuff,
Now let's see how long I won't open that cabinet door....Posted 4 years ago # -
The Shadchan is getting dizzy
Talking to a Mom whose in a tizzy
Her questions of height, and size
And the girls color eyes
And is still wondering why her son is never "busy"!Posted 4 years ago # -
if cigarettes you like to toke
question health scares as just a joke
well, heres the answer
they sure cause cancer
don't let your life go up in smoke------------------------------
When you race for a subway seat
a dirty trick that can't be beat
is sneeze and cough
to scare 'em off
and garlic breath's an added treat------------------------------
A general named George A. Custer
was arrogant and full of bluster
His Waterloo?
he dissed the Sioux
Now he's a scalpless injun busterPosted 4 years ago # -
I made these up many years ago when I was in school.
Let us wonder for arguements sake
why ___ _____(fill in name of school) had so many rules to make
for if there were none
It would be no fun
for there would be no rules to break!Mommy had 12 children too many
quite often she whished she had not any
when they jumped on her "Kup"
she just got fed up
and sold each one for a penny!Posted 4 years ago # -
I cant believe i read this, but since i did here is one i like.
A flea and a fly in a flue;
Were stuck so what could they do;
Said the flea;"let us fly",
Said the fly; "let us flee",
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.Posted 4 years ago # -
There once was girl named Chanie
Who wanted to be a Mommy
She got married at twenty
Had kids aplenty
and now just wants to be GrannyPosted 4 years ago # -
There once was a Cat in a Hat
Who made a mess in someone's flat
He got Thing one and Thing two
to clean up the whole zoo
And then he skiddaddled -Stat!Posted 4 years ago # -
I know my rhymes are inane
but, at least I am not insane
I am really quite smart
in music and art
but poetry is just not my gamePosted 4 years ago # -
blinky,
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.But he followed the pair to Pawtucket,
The man and the girl with the bucket;
And he said to the man,
He was welcome to Nan,
But as for the bucket, Pawtucket.Then the pair followed Pa to Manhasset,
Where he still held the cash as an asset,
But Nan and the man
Stole the money and ran,
And as for the bucket, Manhasset.Of this story we hear from Nantucket,
About the mysterious loss of a bucket,
We are sorry for Nan,
As well as the man—
The cash and the bucket, Pawtucket.Get it?
Posted 4 years ago # -
did you make that UP?
Posted 4 years ago # -
Its a favourite project of mine
A new value of 'pi' to assign
I would fix it at 3
For its simpler you see
Than at 3.14159An exceedingly large friend of mine
When asked at what hour he'd dine
He replied at 11
And at 3, 5 and 7
Then at 8 and again after 9A school boy who lived in Japan
His limericks never would scan
When they asked him "but why?"
He would say with a sigh
"Its because I always try to get as many words into the last line as I possibly can."Posted 4 years ago # -
Pumpkins are good for a pickin'
And in pies for finger lickin'
But on halloween
Some think it should not be seen
In a nice frum Jewish kitchenPosted 4 years ago # -
emoticon, nope, I'm not that talented. I read it somewhere. I think it was part of an ongoing newspaper contest or something.
Posted 4 years ago # -
LAer- very funny, i still like "....who tripped on a bucket" one!
Posted 4 years ago # -
I was impressed how this thread got full
So i sat down and began to mull
I googled limerick
And i feel sick
As most of whats here is not even the original!(thanks to those who made theirs up!)
Posted 4 years ago # -
vnishmartemmeod:
Of that pumpkin you spoke of before
I just picked one up at the store
And on Hallowe'en
In my kitchen t'will be seen
Baked - and served with butter galorePosted 4 years ago # -
I just thought of another along the same lines.
Allow me to give some advice
On a topic thats not very nice
On October three one
Jewish kids have no fun
But next day the candy's half price!Posted 4 years ago # -
Blinky, it isn't so hard
Pretending that I am The Bard,
Though Shakespeare I'm not
When put on the spot,
I seem to have let down my guard.Posted 4 years ago # -
I'm really impressed with this thread
I can't get the thought out of my head
what really good clean fun
Think, type and done
And no lashon hara gets saidPosted 4 years ago # -
Minyan gal, I wanted to mention
thank you for the specific attention
for taking your precious time
to respond by limerick rhyme
and releasing some of my pumpkin tensionPosted 4 years ago # -
Once again I say Shabbat Shalom
My wish is for peace in your home
And tonight when you dine
And sip of your wine
Pray for those who are all alone.Posted 4 years ago # -
Most posts here are not plagiarized
No raunchy ones now bowdlerized
We wrote them fresh
Made the rhymes mesh
For this our efforts should be prizedPosted 4 years ago # -
Tommy's a bit of an oddball
Not just because he ain't tall
It his bowtie and vest,
the flower pinned to his breast,
that makes him stand out 'mongst us all.Posted 4 years ago # -
This morning while sitting at the beauty salon (with color on my hair - so it was a long sit) I was very bored, so I took out a pen and......
I know you may think me a bore
For I've spoken of this once before
On All Hallow's Eve
Just get up and leave
And you won't have to answer the door.Three brothers named X, Y and Z
Wed sisters called A, B and C
When their families grew
They knew just what to do
And called their kids 1, 2 and 3.Part 1
I've always got a sore back
I kvetch when I carry a pack
The doctor said "Rest"
I said "Surely you jest"
For a personal servant I lack.Part 2
He said I have warned you before
That your back will always be sore
For shlepping's a no-no
And bending's just so-so
And you'll hurt till you do this no more.Posted 4 years ago # -
I'm Bubby to two boys that love me
Even though they tower above me
For they'r very tall
And I'm very small
And they have to bend over to hug me.Posted 4 years ago # -
This thread is making me crazy
My brain is all clouded and hazy
For now all the time
I speak strictly in rhyme
And my friends want me taken away-zyPosted 4 years ago # -
Question for the Mods:
I can't stop composing these silly limericks. Do I qualify for a name change? Instead of a "member" I would love to be known as a
"limericist". (I don't even think such a word exists but if one can be a lyricist, then why not?)Posted 4 years ago # -
"I can't stop composing these silly limericks"
I know what you mean, Gal of Minyan
I can't stop this limerick inyan.
Would you tell me, please
Is this some rare disease?
I would just like your honest opinion!Posted 4 years ago # -
There was this sadist of Yokohama
Who loved to see tragedies and drama
Causing Tzoros he would
Whenever he could
That's why he voted for Ob...Posted 4 years ago #
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