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Avishai Ben-Chaim Defends The Chareidi Tzibur Following The Tragic Death Of Mrs. Esti Weinstein


1Chareidi bashing is a regular occurrence in the mainstream Israel media and one does not have to look for a reason, for there is generally something in the news that will provide the lead-in for the daily anti-chareidi sentiment.

The tragic suicide death of Mrs. Esti Weinstein, the former chareidi mother of seven who left the path of Torah and mitzvos, has prompted a significant anti-chareidi sentiment in the media and social media.

Prominent Channel 10 News correspondent Avishai Ben-Chaim, who has built a career on reporting on chareidim and Shas in particular, has posted the anti-chareidi sentiment surrounding this case is unjustified. Ben-Chaim himself is not chareidi, but quite in the loop as he covers the community and has written books on Shas and HaGaon HaRav Ovadia Yosef ZT”L, blames the press of a “serious injustice”.

In her writings left behind, Mrs. Weinstein blames her native Gerre community for prohibiting her daughters from contacting her after she left the path of a frum lifestyle. The fact she was cut off from her family is blamed for his despondent state, which the media insists led to her suicide.

Ben-Chaim attended the levaya, explaining one could see and hear the pain when Mrs. Weinstein’s chareidi father was maspid her. One heard the father who was pained to his core promise kaddish would be recited. Ben-Chaim adds that despite reports to the contrary, the chassidim did not plan to grab and bury the body in Jerusalem and he debunks allegations the Gerre Rebbe Shlita ordered the family to cut ties with the estranged mom. Ben-Chaim insists that based on probing this, the rebbe never gave any such order and reports are blatantly false. He also denies the family wished to have the chevra kadisha bury her outside the cemetery, stating emphatically this too is untrue.

Sadly, this women’s last years were difficult as she broke from the lifestyle she maintained when she gave birth to her children. Hashem Yerachem her mental state deteriorated and the events occurred as they did R”L, and adding to the pain of the situation, the media and social media in Israel is all too willing to get on the bandwagon to use this case for bashing chareidim as is too often customary.

(YWN – Israel Desk, Jerusalem)



17 Responses

  1. He only writes that we didn’t do the negative things, that the allegations claimed, that we did do.
    But he doesn’t write that we encouraged the family to strengthen there ties with her, and keep up all positive communications; and, yes, we should have encouraged the children to go visit her.

  2. They blame chareidim for not dragging her by force to psychiatrists before going off the derech and taking her life.

  3. She abandoned her family and left left house full of little children.
    she abandoned them and not they abandoned her.
    It is heartbreaking that this is what happened to her but the family did not cause this.
    I’m not making assumptions. I know the family very well. A warm loving caring open-minded family.
    Such a tragedy.

  4. The title is completely misleading. If he defended anyone, it it Ger Chassidus and their deletion of a Mitzva D’oraysa, which both the Steipler and the Chazon Ish wrote against. At best, it is a Machlokes between the Gedolim, and he chose to defend a side.

  5. Interesting how the mainstream media tolerates suicides in the IDF (and there are loads of them) and don’t condemn the military or the government for those suicides. It’s quite acceptable for them. However, when an ex-chareidi after discovering that she did not find the paradise she expected in the secular world and realized how empty and vain they are and consequently committing suicide, all chareidim are to be blamed.

  6. #4 If she had a problem with her husband or with the chassidus she could have divorced him. Going off the derech had nothing to do with the mitzvah but with her psychological problems. Blaming it on the mitzvah or the lack of it was only an excuse. Don’t fall for it.

  7. gavra_at_work –

    There is NO Machlokes between any Gedolim in this case (where the wife specifies) , he clearly transgressed a mitzvah. There is only a machlokes wherein the wife has no clear specifications. See Shulcah Aruch OC Siman 140.

  8. #3, my opinion?

    She did not abandon her family. She could not tolerate the coldness of her husband, she wanted warmth and he refused her due to the takanot of Ger. Read a bit of her book to she it in her own words.

    After the divorce, she was cut off from her children and that cut her very deeply. There was no human feeling towards her, only keeping the Ger ‘takanot’ which caused her own children to refuse to deal with her, caused her parents to stay away from her, which caused her deep depression.

    Instead of getting the warmth she sought and needed she got the cold shoulder.

    HaShem should have rachmonis on her tortured soul.

  9. #8 She lost her chezkas kashrus when she became secular and her book (like those from others who write after they go OTD) is a common phenomenon to justify their sinful acts. Takanos of Ger have nothing to do with her going off the derech. It’s most likely the takanos from the Rebono Shel Olam, hilchos Taharas Hamishpacha which she wasn’t excited about and got her off the derech where she was hoping to find a secular man who wouldn’t follow Hashem’s laws. If Ger would have been the problem she’d have divorced him and gotten married to someone from another chassidus or lutvak. Had she gotten the proper medical help, she’d have gotten the “warmth she needed” and would’ve been alive today.

  10. Aryeh- read her book. You will not be so judgemental. Her husband threatened her when she wanted to leave/divorce. It was not sbout kerping taharas hamishpachah. There is no sin in warmth and love.

  11. #10 Her book is a one-sides secular view which a religious person may not read before hearing the point of view from her husband who has a chezkas kashrus. From lots of experience and facts, the media is the last resort to trust – certainly not Haaretz who publicized her book. As I said before, she’s not the first OTD who writes against the spouse, family and chassidus.

    Threatened her with what? Does it make sense that because her husband threatened her when she wanted to divorce him that she went OTD? Think logically, please. She definitely didn’t write the entire truth and just wanted to portray herself as innocent and put the blame on her husband’s coldness. Everybody is at fault for her OTD and committing suicide but not herself.

    By the way, I’m not Ger and no fan of Ger, just sticking up for the plain truth. You can’t deny who is at fault here. Just because she wrote a book and took her life doesn’t give her right.

    How many non-Gerer people went OTD and how many non-Gerer committed suicide? Why is the Gerer shitta to blame?

  12. Arye – “Taharas Hamishpacha” does NOT = Ger Takanot!
    In fact, takanot goes against it. There something really wrong (IF true) with this system!
    You can NOT apply a concept that was meant ONLY for a few individual Baal Madregot to a klal!
    Go through Shulcah Aruch OC Ch 140. There are basic Halachot and D’oraysa involved, as pointed out before.

    Nevertheless, there is surely another side to the story…

  13. #12 Who ever said Taharas Hamishpacha = Ger Takanos? You’re making up stories I never said. And why are you continuing about shittos, baal madregos, halachos d’oreisa and other things that have nothing to do with her going OTD? It’s just to bashmutz and talk lashon hara on a chassidus. The fact that she ended up committing suicide proves my point that she had mental issues and not Ger problems, not husband problems and not Shulchan Aruch problems. An ish emes and one with an open mind would see and admit to the truth clearly. Again, as I said, I’m not Ger and no fan of Ger but the truth is as clear as can be.

    What I was saying earlier was that the fact that she went OTD is more likely because she didn’t like those Taharas Hamishacha halachos IN GENERAL whether married to a Gerer or to a “lenient, warm-hearted” Lutvak or Satmarer. There are halachos that every Jew must keep and this might have caused her to turn off completely and preferred a secular life without these halachos.

  14. Arye – “she went OTD is more likely because she didn’t like those Taharas Hamishacha halachos IN GENERAL”

    While you MIGHT be correct, I am commenting on what we DO know.

    Note – There is definitely another side not told. As a mother she should have stuck it out for her children’s sake etc. And yes, there have been many cases where forever reason OTD will simply blame their messed up life on religion, as any easy way out.

    In any case, having such extreme Takanot can drive ANY woman away and turn her completely off.
    The moral – do not try to be frumer than the Shulchan Aruch. And unless he is a true Talmid Chachom (i.e. that studies all night) he had no business even asking any Rabbi. Period! See SHU”A Even Haazer 84-7.

  15. Gaon #14
    First of all, it was only my assumption about Taharas Hamishpacha in general because she was so obsessed with the Gerer shitta. Second, there is no excuse and no other side of the story for going OTD if she wasn’t forced to do so like the Marranos. Third, you’re commenting on something you only know from her secular side written with non-chareidi or secular helpers. In other words, you do not know anything, unless you heard it from a kosher source first hand – which most likely you haven’t.

    Being unhappy with takanos of a chassidus does not justify going OTD or going around killing people. There’s the option of divorcing and remarrying to another chassidus or to a non-chassidic religious Jew. You and I and everyone know of Jewish women who unfortunately went OTD and were not Ger and left behind wonderful husbands and children. Most of them – like this woman – had psychiatric issues.

    This woman was obviously fine with the chassidus the first 10-15 years of her marriage if she had 7 children. Unfortunately, she suddenly became mentally deranged which caused her to lose her balance and make the improper decision of leaving her children (as has already been heard of) causing her misery and eventually leading to her tragic death. It happened to be a coincidence that it was Ger. These stories sadly happen to non-Gerer and non chassidim who do not have such “extreme takanos” and this is not an exception.

    Gerer haters and chareidi haters jumped on the wagon and helped her write the book to suit them. Anybody who believes anything written in that book is as naive as they come and relish in a good piece of shmutz, lashon hara and lies against chareidim in general and in Ger in particular.

    The moral – do not trust anything written by secular people. It’s full of lies and hatred towards religious Jews. It’s revenge and excuses, nothing more.

  16. Arye #15 – Lets put it like this, had they/he gone to the proper counselor/Rabbi/Mentor with a bit of common sense thing would have ended differently…

  17. Gaon #16 I have no doubt he went for help, but of what use was counselling if she obviously refused to go for psychiatric help and was adamant on dropping Hashem from her life?

    In today’s news, Aviva David, a non-Gerer woman also went OTD and left her religious husband and 6 children. In short, it has nothing to do with Ger’s extreme takanos and all who spoke against Ger….

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