OK, this thread is about how to ask for shadchanus tactfully. The only way to avoid the necessity for an unpleasant encounter, is to be candid from the outset. Think of it this way – how do potential machetonim best avoid inyanim about support for a learning boy after marriage? They speak candidly to the shadchan from the very beginning, so the boy’s side knows in advance that shidduchim will only be redt to them that are shayach in this area. It is crucial for such a parent to know if the girl’s parents are willing and able to support the couple, how much they will, and for how long. The girl’s parents can weigh in their opinion, as well. If there is no meeting of the minds, the shidduch does not have to be set up, and no one is resentful for being blindsided.
I fail to see why any shadchan would not prefer to do business the same way, in expressing from the outset the expectation of a specified amount if and when the shidduch goes through. That avoids the need for “tact” etc. later on. This is my fee, payable upon the wedding (or whatever is agreed upon), and a contract should be signed.The person then can decided to avail himself of the services or not. Yes yes, no no. No hurt feelings.