APY- are you suggesting that the reason why some people don’t properly compensate shadchanim after they/their children get engaged/married is due to their sense that the shadchan didn’t perform their duties properly?
or are you simply saying, that a proper contract would solve the problem.
On that point your are correct, it certainly would, but it isn’t done for the various reasons outlined above. And the lack of a proper contract, in no way shape or form alleviates a parties halachic obligation to compensate according to the going rate.
Now here’s a another little tidbit, the vast majority of people who are “shadchanim” and this might even go for every single one of them, began in the profession without any intention of doing it “full time”. They had a idea….. they tried to help someone they knew… and presto they made a shidduch.
To a large extent the difference between those who stay the course, and those who quit early on, is how quickly they saw their first engagement. Inevitably shadchanim (surely ones starting out) go months and months without any “successes” (so long as we erroneously define a shadchans success as engagements made).
If someone decides to try their hand at shadchanus, and goes months without making a enagement, well, they will very likely quit…
People -being human beings- often quit when they don’t see “success” from their efforts.
If they are lucky enough to make a shidduch or two early on, then they are more likely to stay with it when they inevitably hit the dry spell of months and months without making a shidduch.
Continuing onwards, it takes quite a few years until a shadchan reaches the level where they are consistently making 6/7 shidduchim a year. That is typical of people who are very busy shadchanim. (there is a small tiny group of people in the country who consistently make significantly more shidduchim than that per year)
At that point, say each side gives nicely based on today’s going rate and the shadchan recieves on average 2500 per completed shidduch, x seven shidduchim a year.
That is whopping $17,500 (and often the average per shidduch is NOT 2500 total)
And the time effort and energy that is required to make 7 shidduchim a year, is was beyond (see interjections post earlier on this page) what that same person if they chooose could expend in many other fields using similar skills that a shadchasn uses (think sales), and they would bring home many times that amount of money if they were in a different field.
Is there any wonder, why so many potential shadchanim leave and go into other fields where they are
a. more appreciated
b. better compensated
c. have better quality of life
and surely they can find other avenues to do chesed.
and who loses out when shadhcanim leave the “business”
the singles who don’t have enough people to properly service their shidduch needs…
sooooo
If we as a community would like their to be more people redding shidduchim, then it might behove us a community to figure out ways to make sure shadchanim are better appreciated and better compensated.
In a previous post I outlined two such suggestions.
(the reason this is relevant to this thread, is that the issue of how shadchanim are currently compensated stems from a underlying under appreciation/under realization of what is involved in redding shidducim on a consistent basis.
I have no doubt, that if people knew of the effort involved, then people would tell the caterer/florist/hall/clothing store, etc. I apologize that i can’t afford anything more than a candy dish as payment for the beautiful wedding you made, but i absolutely must pay the shadchan………
By the way, do you know which people tend to give the nicest shadchanus?
Shadchanim themselves. To people who make their kids shidduchim.
Because they DO appreciate what it takes…