Free Answers*
Is Mr. Monopoly Mr. Pringles?
No. Mr. Monopoly is a.k.a. Rich Uncle Pennybags. Julius Pringles is a.k.a. an egg with a moustache.
Is Mr. Quaker also on the $20 Bill?
Only if Mr. counterfeiter is also Ray Charles.
If people from Poland are called ‘Poles’, are people from Holland called ‘Holes’?
That, and worse, by rude New Yorkers.
Is it wrong for a vegetarian to eat animal crackers?
Of course. The really OTDers also eat jelly fish and gummy bears.
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Atlantis.
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it is called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it is called cargo?
And just how do you think your Toyotas, Hondas, etc. get to the U.S?
Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Because then it would be ketchup.
When sign makers go on strike, what do their signs say?
Why do they call a building a building when it is already built?
For consistency. An architect designs it with a drawing. An artist may immortalize it with a painting.
Do Lipton Tea employees get a coffee break?
Only if they want it to be permanent.
If nothing sticks to Teflon, what makes Teflon stick to the pan?
Loshon hora. It sticks to anything.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?
Synchronized drowning is a separate event.
Why do feet smell and noses run?
There seems to be much confusion between these two. If your nose is 12 inches long, is it a foot?
Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?
Actually, Poppa parks in front of your driveway.
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, why is there a lock on the door?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If everything when it occupies a certain space is at rest, and if that which is moving is always occupying only one space at any moment, shouldn’t a flying arrow be considered motionless?
Questions like this give people headaches. People with headaches want to rest. Close enough.
If the opposite of pro is con, is the opposite of progress, congress?
If Aliens are so smart, why do they abduct the dumbest people?
They taste better.
If you buy a package of cotton balls, are you supposed to discard the first one?
No, you eat them all.
Do Roman Doctors refer to an IV as just 4?
They nIXed that idea.
If someone told you he was a chronic liar, would you believe him?
Only if it was a she.
If ghosts can walk through walls, why don’t they fall through the floor?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is he treated as a hostage situation?
Hmmm, I wonder which poster can we ask?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
Carrots used to be purple (really!)
Why does the Secret Service hold press conferences?
Loshon sagi nahor?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Not a NASCAR fan, are you?
why is pink for girls and blue for boys?
This, too, used to be the other way around (really!)
why cant women put on mascara without opening their mouths?
why do banks leave the doors wide open but their pens chained to the counter?
*worth exactly what you paid for them.
**”borrowed” from Laffy Taffy.