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Is Mr. Monopoly Mr. Pringles?
Is Mr. Quaker also on the $20 Bill?
If people from Poland are called ‘Poles’,
are people from Holland called ‘Holes’?
Is it wrong for a vegetarian to eat animal crackers?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it is called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it is called cargo?
Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
When sign makers go on strike, what do their signs say?
Why do they call a building a building when it is already built?
Do Lipton Tea employees get a coffee break?
If nothing sticks to Teflon, what makes Teflon stick to the pan?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?
Why do feet smell and noses run?
Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, why is there a lock on the door?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Is Mr. Monopoly Mr. Pringles?
No. Why would you think that?
Is Mr. Quaker also on the $20 Bill?
No. Andrew Jackson is on the $20 bill.
If people from Poland are called ‘Poles’,
are people from Holland called ‘Holes’?
One mouse, two mice; one house, two houses. That’s just how English works. It doesn’t make sense.
Is it wrong for a vegetarian to eat animal crackers?
No. Animal crackers contain no meat.
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
They serve the same function as interstate highways.
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
In general, he keeps the plow in his driveway. Or he walks.
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it is called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it is called cargo?
shipment (n.)
1802, “act of shipping;” 1861, “that which is shipped;” see ship (v.) + -ment.
cargo (n.)
1650s, “freight loaded on a ship,” from Spanish cargo “burden,” from cargar “to load, impose taxes,” from Late Latin carricare “to load on a cart” (see charge (v.)). South Pacific cargo cult is from 1949. Cargo pants attested from 1977.
Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
There is no air inside the bottle. Air dries the glue.
When sign makers go on strike, what do their signs say?
“Higher wages”. “Mapmakers on strike”. “Sign it into law now”,etc.
Why do they call a building a building when it is already built?
Now, THAT is a good question!
Do Lipton Tea employees get a coffee break?
No. Indians generally do not get coffee breaks.
If nothing sticks to Teflon, what makes Teflon stick to the pan?
What is Teflon?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?
No, because that one swimmer made a mistake. It was not planned.
“Is Mr. Quaker also on the $20 Bill?
No. Andrew Jackson is on the $20 bill.”
I think whoever made it up was confused with the $10 bill.
If everything when it occupies a certain space is at rest, and if that which is moving is always occupying only one space at any moment, shouldn’t a flying arrow be considered motionless?
Is Benjamin Franklin Mr. Quaker?
No. Mr. Quaker is a lot more smiley.
“If everything when it occupies a certain space is at rest, and if that which is moving is always occupying only one space at any moment, shouldn’t a flying arrow be considered motionless?”
Ooooh! Zeno’s paradoxes!
DY-
Why do feet smell and noses run? The same reason that feet run and noses smell
Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway? Why are you on a parkway and in a driveway
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, why is there a lock on the door? for the night that we change back for daylight savings time
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? humans
” If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? humans”
No, that answer doesnt follow. The correct answer is humanitables, which is the english term for adnei hasadeh.
talmud IV is 4 not 5!
why is pink for girls and blue for boys?
why cant women put on mascara without opening their mouths?
why do banks leave the doors wide open but their pens chained to the counter?
Free Answers*
Is Mr. Monopoly Mr. Pringles?
No. Mr. Monopoly is a.k.a. Rich Uncle Pennybags. Julius Pringles is a.k.a. an egg with a moustache.
Is Mr. Quaker also on the $20 Bill?
Only if Mr. counterfeiter is also Ray Charles.
If people from Poland are called ‘Poles’, are people from Holland called ‘Holes’?
That, and worse, by rude New Yorkers.
Is it wrong for a vegetarian to eat animal crackers?
Of course. The really OTDers also eat jelly fish and gummy bears.
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Atlantis.
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it is called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it is called cargo?
And just how do you think your Toyotas, Hondas, etc. get to the U.S?
Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Because then it would be ketchup.
When sign makers go on strike, what do their signs say?
Why do they call a building a building when it is already built?
For consistency. An architect designs it with a drawing. An artist may immortalize it with a painting.
Do Lipton Tea employees get a coffee break?
Only if they want it to be permanent.
If nothing sticks to Teflon, what makes Teflon stick to the pan?
Loshon hora. It sticks to anything.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?
Synchronized drowning is a separate event.
Why do feet smell and noses run?
There seems to be much confusion between these two. If your nose is 12 inches long, is it a foot?
Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?
Actually, Poppa parks in front of your driveway.
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, why is there a lock on the door?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If everything when it occupies a certain space is at rest, and if that which is moving is always occupying only one space at any moment, shouldn’t a flying arrow be considered motionless?
Questions like this give people headaches. People with headaches want to rest. Close enough.
If the opposite of pro is con, is the opposite of progress, congress?
If Aliens are so smart, why do they abduct the dumbest people?
They taste better.
If you buy a package of cotton balls, are you supposed to discard the first one?
No, you eat them all.
Do Roman Doctors refer to an IV as just 4?
They nIXed that idea.
If someone told you he was a chronic liar, would you believe him?
Only if it was a she.
If ghosts can walk through walls, why don’t they fall through the floor?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is he treated as a hostage situation?
Hmmm, I wonder which poster can we ask?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
Carrots used to be purple (really!)
Why does the Secret Service hold press conferences?
Loshon sagi nahor?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Not a NASCAR fan, are you?
why is pink for girls and blue for boys?
This, too, used to be the other way around (really!)
why cant women put on mascara without opening their mouths?
why do banks leave the doors wide open but their pens chained to the counter?
*worth exactly what you paid for them.
**”borrowed” from Laffy Taffy.
Talmud
If the opposite of pro is con, is the opposite of progress, congress? yes
If Aliens are so smart, why do they abduct the dumbest people? no such thing as aliens
If you buy a package of cotton balls, are you supposed to discard the first one? after using it
Do Roman Doctors refer to an IV as just 5? 4
If someone told you he was a chronic liar, would you believe him?Ain Adam Maisim Atzmo Rasha
If ghosts can walk through walls, why don’t they fall through the
floor? they float
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is he treated as a hostage situation? no
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? the peel of an orange is orangier
Why does the Secret Service hold press conferences? to fool the public
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person
who drives a race car not called a racist? because piano ends in o and race ends in e
Squeak
I apoligize, your right
Need Sem Help
why is pink for girls and blue for boys? Duh, cause pink is girlish and blue is boyish
why cant women put on mascara without opening their mouths? the same reason boys (or anyone) cant put in contacts without opening their mouths
why do banks leave the doors wide open but their pens chained to the counter? because pens get lost, while the money is in safes
talmud, please see this post
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/kosher-email#post-457604
talmud-
Thank you.
ASCII art with HTML was a phase here a few years ago. If it interests you, by all means try it out – the thread is still open.
this name is taken: duh, pink is girly and blue is boyish. why???
i am a girl and i hate pink and purple and all girly stuff like little bows and flowers and all cute things. On the contrary i like sport and i love orange and green. So what does that mean?
why cant women put on mascara without opening their mouths?”
I don’t know. I can.
Not really amusing, but I got a tzedakah letter claiming the father had three fatal heart attacks. I kid you not.
Talmud- you called me “this name” instead of by my full name “This name is already taken”
Thenk you Talmud, though Im not that makpid on my subtitle
Animal crackers are evil people who crack animals, but eating them is cannibalism.
a parkway is a parkway because of the park (grass, trees) that are in the middle,at least originally
If Amusing Questions is qualified as a division of the Joke Thread, then may I assume that Amusing Answers would be qualified as a multiplication of the Joke Thread?
no a division
If a zebra is a type of herbivore with stripes, is a horse a carnivore with stripes?
If a zebra is a type of herbivore with stripes, is a horse a carnivore with stripes? “
Forgive me, but that made zero sense to me…
That’s the point.
RebYidd, if that was the point, you succeeded admirably… 🙂
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