Getch’er fresh corn here.
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?
You will. For the Dec. 30 lotto drawing.
Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?
This is like asking why a vacuum salesman dumps dirt on your carpet. To justify the need for its own existence.
Why is a boxing ring square?
The boxing ring is the ringing in the ears of the 86% (estimated by the A.M.A.) of boxers with brain damage.
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
Why is it that to stop Windows 95 or 98, you have to click on “Start”?
Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
So are some cars.
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why do you need a driver’s license to buy booze when you can’t drink and drive?
Liquor store owners like to laugh at your funny license picture.
Why isn’t there mouse-flavoured cat food?
Why did kamakazi pilots wear crash helmets?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Do dead musicians decompose? Are divorcees debrided? Are optimists decanted?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
If UPS and Chuck Wagon merged what would it be called?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
Lipton is very accommodating to employees wanting to take coffee breaks. They are free to enjoy their libation in the Julius & Ethel Rosenberg room.
What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
Caucasian, Black or Asian?