Zev7 – I am understanding what you are saying and I have heard it before but it is very unclear if you are talking about within the confines of halacha or without. I am assuming the words “the serving him will roll as a result” indicate you are NOT talking about within the confines of halacha and if that is true, that is very sad.
If a person takes halacha too seriously by deciding that pants must be black, shirts must be white, fish must be gefilte, everyone needs to sing my songs or they are kofrim etc then you are right, that may not be a way to come closer to Gd and may be less about spirituality than politics and egocentrism.
But if you are saying (as has been said to me) that you know you are going against halacha on certain points but you feel a spiritual connection to Gd so you are not going to worry about it, then that is incorrect thinking.
If I ask you to help me pack my car because I am in need of assistance, and you tell me that you would really feel more giving if you could bring me lunch instead, how is that forming a relationship? We don’t form a relationship by picking our own guidelines and gifts for someone, we form a relationship by hearing what they ask.
If you have been taught that Judaism is about nitpicking and OCD, then I can understand your inability to connect, but maybe you should find yourself a better translator, a better shaliach, instead of choosing the self-serve buffet style because that is NOT what Judaism really is and there are plenty of people out there who can help make it real for you.