Taivah for movies

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  • #614895

    I stopped reading non-jewish books last year…

    But I got a HUGE teivah for non-jewish movies, and episodes. Right now I am in middle of seeing this great amazing (and not extremely apropriate) TV show in middle of it’s 4th season.

    Any ideas how to get over my teivah? I like the feeling of disconnecting, and I am following the story for a while…

    I am only on touch with 2 series that I must see, and the newest movies of course…

    Any ideas?

    #1147932

    Bookworm120
    Participant

    Suggestion: read plot summaries online instead of watching the episodes. That way, you can still follow the story for however long you feel the need to. πŸ™‚

    And for movies, there are companies that offer content filters for the newest titles within months of their releases. (Will the Mods let me name the companies?) If you don’t want to completely cut out movies, you are now able to at least cut out the most negative content in them.

    #1147933

    flatbusher
    Participant

    Try cutting down gradually, instead of going cold turkey. So instead of cutting it completely, reduce the amount of time you spend on this. It worked for me.

    #1147934

    the plumber
    Member

    Its a matter of getting a new hobby. When you start gradually moving away from them as previous posters said, dont sit around and do nothing. Find something else

    #1147935

    zahavasdad
    Participant

    I saw a very sad story a few months ago, it was floating around, there was a woman who was a BT and slowly became Yeshivish. As she became Yeshivish many of the things that she liked before became assur (I dont mean things like Pork, I mean Stuff like Music and TV) she became more and more miserable and finally gave up being frum because she was so miserable. She asked why are these things prohibitted and she was told, that it wasnt done in our community (The Yeshivish community). Most likely had she been given some room she would have remained frum

    Not every Chumra or Hashkafa is for everyone. What might be appropriate for you is not for someone else.

    #1147936

    flatbusher
    Participant

    zahavasdad: I have heard similar stories, and they are indeed all sad. Years ago I befriended a guy who had become frum but he didn’t like learning, and someone told him “ain am ha’retz chasid,” and he just gave up the whole thing.

    #1147937

    Yeah, I know a guy who would have been frum, except that he had a hard time with Shabbos and kashrus.

    #1147938

    loudandproud
    Member

    I’ve been there. I know the struggle. This is my 3 step program.

    1)Before you do anything ask Hashem for help. Sincerely daven EVERY morning (in whatever language you prefer), tell Him about this difficulty,and ask Him to help you stop.

    2)Find a hobby. Do something that you love. Take a course, paint, knit, exercise, cook, eat, jog, start a blog, or something easy and light to unwind after a long day…be adventurous and try new stuff. You must keep yourself busy. Being bored will lead to trouble.

    2)Toss it. Delete them from your computer, toss out the discs, install a filter to block you from those sites and don’t write down the password. Do what you have to to make sure you stay away from it.

    The reason why I wrote find a hobby before tossing is that you need to have something to do instead of watching. You can’t just stop cold turkey and have nothing to do in it’s place.

    It’s very difficult to do, but you’ll be a better person for it.

    Much Hatzlachah.

    #1147939

    lesschumras
    Participant

    DaasYochid, that comment was uncharacteristically rude and sarcastic. Unlike Shabbos and kashrus,music and being frum are not mutually exclusive

    #1147940

    zahavasdad
    Participant

    Shabbos and kashruth are not the same as Movies or Learning

    #1147941

    True. Shabbos and kashrus aren’t yehareg v’al ya’avor; movies are.

    #1147942

    that comment was uncharacteristically rude and sarcastic

    Some would disagree with you.

    They would say it’s not uncharacteristic.

    music and being frum are not mutually exclusive

    Of course not. Even watching inappropriate movies isn’t (for that matter, eating treif l’tayavon isn’t either), but why is anyone minimizing the issur?

    #1147943

    And just to be clear, I am not trying to scold the OP, we all have our yetzer hora, and I applaud and admire her for her sincerity in trying to fight.

    I am just disturbed by the attempts to minimize the importance.

    #1147945

    zahavasdad
    Participant

    If someone was born Yeshivish and wanted to watch movies thats one thing, but I think the OP is a BT from a much more modern place (Guessing from previous posts) .

    #1147946

    πŸ‘‘RebYidd23
    Participant

    Movies are a perfectly acceptable art form, inappropriate ones are not.

    #1147947

    but I think the OP is a BT from a much more modern place

    I don’t think so, but either way, so what? She’s asking for advice in her struggle, not threatening to go OTD if she can’t watch movies.

    #1147948

    Chochom-ibber
    Participant

    @zahavasdad

    Once again you have thrown a topic off track.

    This has nothing to do with a BT jumping in too fast, overwhelming ones-self with chumras and “trying to fit in”.

    THIS is a person striving to grow one step at a time towards a hight goal of fulfilling our life here on earth.

    No need to bring in maises of some random exception where sustaining from entertainment-media led to a negative outcome.

    NO RELEVANCE TO THIS TOPIC AT ALL.

    #1147949

    zahavasdad
    Participant

    The problem I have with certain struggles, is if you make them too hard (Hard for them, not hard for you) and that person fails, they might give up the struggle

    #1147950

    Once again, this is someone who is self motivated to improve.

    Also, the result might also be that the person will succeed at abstaining from a severe issur.

    #1147951

    zahavasdad
    Participant

    If someone was motivated to learn Gemorah and you gave them a Gemorah and they try and try and just cant do it. They are motivated to learn that Gemorah, but just cant. Some people will keep trying and Some will give up. Of those who give up some will give up just that gemorah and some will give it up entirely

    #1147952

    If I have lived my whole life with movies, maybe I am not ready to give them up completely, am I?

    #1147953

    ZD, so no one should open a gemara? What are you saying?

    #1147954

    zahavasdad
    Participant

    I am in the minority here and think you should take upon yourself those things you think you will succeed at. It is not growth if you take upon yourself things that you cant or will become bitter because of it.

    #1147955

    Shopping613, you know it’s the right thing to do. It’s up to you to be strong and do it.

    #1147956

    ZD, so don’t struggle and fight against the yetzer hora, just float through life?

    #1147957

    zahavasdad
    Participant

    OP do whats best for you. You can ask your Rav what he thinks , He knows you better than some anonymous people on the internet.

    What if you fight the Yetzer Hora and Lose and get frustrated with the fight. You have lost more than you gained

    #1147958

    I know! But how to start?

    #1147959

    The struggle itself is infinitely valuable to Hashem.

    #1147960

    I would start by installing appropriate filters.

    #1147961

    But I like movies!! Like I could give up maybe the episodes, but giving up seeing the newest movie once every month or two? Till that point?

    #1147962

    As others have suggested, find something else to occupy yourself with.

    And if you fall occasionally, never give up. Remember how much Hashem loves the efforts you put in, and that ??? ???? ???? ???. We grow from our struggles, even though we sometimes fall, but we have to keep getting up.

    #1147963

    zahavasdad
    Participant

    DY where we disagree here, Is whether this is a Halacha or Hashkafa issue.

    There are Hashkafa’s where its not assur (Maybe it is for your Hashkafa).

    There are plenty of frum people who go to the Movies.

    #1147964

    cherrybim
    Participant

    The only movies with a storyline worth seeing and were permitted to us are from a molegeh tzeit (long ago) and are in black and white.

    #1147965

    DaasYochid- While inappropriate movies are clearly wrong, movies with clean content are simply not appropriate for people truly focused on being frum. If we someone who does not fit in to our community we should start paying them some more attention. If we can’t find them a place in our community, we should try to help them find a place in another shomer shabbos community. There’s no need for them to lose their yiddishkeit completely.

    #1147966

    Gamanit, the OP pretty much described the content… and as cherrybim was saying… and ZD, viewing inappropriate material is assur l’halachah.

    We’re not talking about pushing anyone away from any community. This is simply about an individual struggling with her yetzer hora, and asking for advice (and maybe chizuk) in doing so.

    #1147967

    zahavasdad
    Participant

    If one goes to the Movies at Sheepshead Bay on a Motzei Shabbos in the Winter you will see lots of young frum there (Flatbush types, not Borough park types)

    Clearly they are all not doing averiahs, you will never see such a crowd at a Mcdonalds. For these people their Hashkafah allows it. I am sure their parents know where they are. (Or should know where they are)

    #1147968

    zahavasdad
    Participant

    It is unclear what OP meant by “Inapropriate” I would agree that R Rated Movies are inappropirate. I think we all can agree there is nothing wrong with Bambi. Now we just need to figure out where the line is .

    I should hope the OP is not seeing the top movie in America today, that is totally inappropriate

    #1147969

    They are all doing aveirahs, and on top of that, it’s a great chillul Hashem.

    A lot of people doing aveirahs together doesn’t make it muttar.

    What a shame that they’re not embarrassed.

    It’s really not too difficult to figure out that the overwhelming majority of secular entertainment is not to Torah standards, and I don’t mean hashkafically, I mean halachically.

    #1147970

    flatbusher
    Participant

    Dass Yochid, you seem to find it very easy to label things aveirah, and would be curious to know if it is indeed there is a psak that is an aveirah to see a movie that has no unclean content, or it’s just you.

    #1147971

    I wasn’t referring to the tiny minority of movies which have no unclean content, and neither was the OP.

    #1147972

    flatbusher
    Participant

    So who are you referring to “all doing aveiros.”? How do you know what they’re watching?

    #1147973

    I could be wrong, but I doubt the Sheepshead Bay theater only shows nature films.

    Come on.

    #1147974

    DY is correct, but the topic requires sensitivity.

    The pull of movies and videos is very strong, and like many unhealthy activities – a common response is to be defensive. It’s not only language and inappropriate content that make movies – maaves (as Reb Avigdor Miller supposedly called them), it’s the whole ideas and krum perspective they give.

    However, even if it was wrong – it’s not appropriate to push people away.

    Jews that used to use razors in Western Europe, women who did not cover their hair in Lithuania, drinking cholov akum in America (before R’ Moshe), milking cows on Shabbos in Israel – the list goes on and on. In all cases, the Rabbanan of the time might have decried it, but they surely did not throw people away. That’s wrong and not the derech hatorah (or so I think.)

    The main issue is that a person themselves has to understand and recognize it is wrong – and not without sincere thought. How does a person feel after watching – uplifted? inspired? energized? Consider the shortness of life and what is the proper use of one’s time. Until one has themselves concluded that it is wrong, it is an aveirah to pressure them to stop. It is a mitzvah in the Torah to try to to protest a wrong action – if they will listen. If not, it is a mitzvah to be quiet. In this case, perhaps come up with other, less threatening ways to help people – especially focused on those like the original poster who wants to stop.

    DQB

    #1147975

    Proud senior
    Member

    First of all I want to say that you are amazing for stopping to read non Jewish books. That takes great will power and if you can do that u can do anything. I am a senior in hs and when I read ur question I made an account bc i have so much to say on this topic. In tenth grade I quit non-Jewish movies. I am a normal bais yaakov girl. Movies were just taking up my life . I was addicted and felt I had to continue. The most effective way to stop addiction is to stop cold turkey. Just stop. Every time you think abt it you geta ttremendous amount of schar. U ccan ask for anything literally. I’m not saying it’s easy it’s very very hard. But iI am so proud of myself now. Each year on you kippur I tell hashem I gave You movies. I gave up something I love to be close to u. If u want to grow u need to remove the bad. “sur meira vessel tov” evry one wants to grow inruchniyus and cconnection to the creator. This is only natural for we have a pic of Him inside us that wants to connect back to its whole. The feeling is so awesome. And now You grant. E with life health and good things.

    #1147976

    Mammele
    Participant

    Shopping: what may help you is stopping, preferably cold turkey, bezchus someone you know that needs a refuah/yeshuah. Disclaimer: don’t become disillusioned if despite your (even successful) efforts things don’t go the way you prayed.

    #1147977

    Lovelyme
    Member

    Very inappropriate movies aren’t good. You can watch apropriate movies. Don’t watch so often because it will lead you to more and more often.

    #1147978

    You mean like chasunah videos? Maskim.

    #1147979

    Joseph
    Participant

    zd: Not every Chumra or Hashkafa is for everyone.

    This is a halacha not a chumra or hashkafa.

    What if you fight the Yetzer Hora and Lose and get frustrated with the fight.

    So don’t fight the Yetzer Hora and instead invite the Yetzer Hora into your home for a l’chaim?

    There are plenty of frum people who go to the Movies.

    There are plenty of frum people who do aveiros.

    If one goes to the Movies at Sheepshead Bay on a Motzei Shabbos in the Winter you will see lots of young frum there (Flatbush types, not Borough park types). Clearly they are all not doing averiahs

    Clearly they all are doing aveirahs.

    I would agree that R Rated Movies are inappropirate.

    All PG-13 rated movies are assur as well. That’s why even the gentiles admit those under 13 shouldn’t see it. And all PG rated movies are assur as well. That’s why even the gentiles admit you need parental permission. And virtually all G rated movies, especially those that aren’t all cartoon animation, are inappropriate as they minimally contain women dressed immodestly according to Jewish law and thus prohibited for men to look at. (That you can see such women in the street anyways is no excuse, since you have a heter to be in the street since you need to go in the street.) And almost all G movies likely have more prohibitions in addition to the immodesty.

    I should hope the OP is not seeing the top movie in America today, that is totally inappropriate

    You seem to know quite a bit. I don’t know what is popular today nor do I care which you speak of, but how are you so familiar with all the latest inappropriate stuff currently?

    flatbusher: would be curious to know if it is indeed there is a psak that is an aveirah to see a movie that has no unclean content, or it’s just you.

    Speak to any (at least half legitimate) pulpit rabbi and he’ll be able to relate to you at least half a dozen psaks that it is an aveira.

    DY: You mean like chasunah videos?

    If the chasunah video has women dancing or dressed inappropriately, men are prohibited from watching it.

    #1147980

    I assume the OP and lovelyme are female. They also make men only dancing copies.

    #1147981

    Joseph
    Participant

    To note, I was speaking generally and not about the OP or another poster and certainly not criticizing or disputing your comment. I should add that even the Choson himself is prohibited from watching his own chasuna video where there are women dancing or dressed inappropriately.

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