Wow wow lots of chaos and action going here. I don’t even have a comment just many questions. ..actually. .many many many questions. Sparkly do u have people in ur life that u can talk to? Family member,older friend, therapist,rebbetzin, teacher, mentor etc? Cause these guys here can’t help u cause
A. You sound like you just want to voice what you are (on the religious status) but not take advice on it
B. They don’t know you personally only from what you day here in the threads so with all your contributing factors in life.. .you need a mentor who understands all your dynamics in order to help you with whatever you are ready to change or need assistance with