Golfer, to be “dan l’kaf zchus”, I think Person1’s point may have been that once you are involved in an argument (chas v’shalom), the best way to resolve it might not be for the husband to start pointing out all of the halachos to his wife and holding them over her head.
Both of your points are valid and important to keep in mind. On the one hand, the Shulchan Aruch must guide all of our actions, but at the same time, when dealing with relationships, one must also keep in mind that the main issue is the relationship itself and the individuals involved, and not necessarily the “dinei mamanos” involved. Obviously, the Torah is our Guide in all respects and it Guides us in the Middos and sensitivity needed to deal with relationship issues as well.