I cannot ‘reach’ my son right now, since he is so defiant.
IMHO, that is the first thing that you should work on. Not the Yiddishkeit. From what you said to Pirate, you seem to be on the right track. Omnia vincit Amor (Love conquers all). One point though. Do not mention you. Make it about him. He doesn’t care (at this point) that he hurts you, that may even be part of his intentions. You have to prove to him that you are on his side.
BSD.