WOW, you are caught up in expectation that are not rational. Your son is on a long dark journey, and you are trying to drag him onto a time line. It isn’t going to work. You just ave to hang on to your hat because you are infor a long rough road. You are going to have to buckle down the hatches as they say as you ride the ways through it. You can neither predict nor determine what he is feeling nor thinking. The son you knew is buried within this new creature. You really don’t know this new reincarnation. It is sad but it is the truth. Even more sad is that those who have experience with this can better predict the steps and what he needs than you can and we don’t even know him.
So whether you think he will throw out your notes, keep writing I can almost guarantee that he won’t and even if he does he still needs them. If he pulls away when you hug him, keep hugging because he needs it and wants it, he just doesn’t want you to know it. When he is feeling low and lonely and his friends are not around, he will need reassurance and that is when he will take out your notes and reread theme or replay them in his mind becausethatiswhen he needs toenvelophimself with your love. You still remain his security blanket whether he wants to admit it or not.