WOW, Ima had a very interesting suggestion, if it is possible to give him his own room, then there is something worth discussing with him.
On the other hand, he might just want to stay away from the crowd in the house and everyone’s opinion of him. He KNOWS that everyone is disappointed in him. If I knew that everyone was watching my every move I would also be uncomfortable. So that is more of a reason for him to stay away.
We both understand the sadness that everyone feels, for very good reason. However, it is important to remind them that they didn’t come from near and far to commiserate with you in your sadness and issues. They came to be mishtatef in your simcha and you certainly do deserve to enjoy a simcha after the past half year of stress and pain. If there is any way that you can relay that message and let them know that WE ALL need to daven and have enough bitachon and emunah that Hashem will watch over him while he goes through this dark journey of his. After all it says that Hashem watches of children and fools and right now he fits into both categories.
On another note, just because he doesn’t want to be frum, that doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t have an education. Would you consider rethinking having him go into a secular or modern school? Maybe when he sees the responsibilities other kids take on vis a vis their education and preparing at this young age for entering the military in just a year or two, it might give him food for thought. Real life is NOT about “hanging” out and being a nobody. Real life, especially in Israel is truly about being “somebody”! Every single Jew counts. Every single Chayal in E”Y is special. He or she are trained to protect and defend their own. They are infused with confidence and self-esteem. They learn to have pride in themselves, in their fellow Jews and in their country. And when they finish their service, they don’t fall by the wayside. Once a soldier in the IDF always a soldier for life. You are part of something huge, you are never alone, and you always have your soldier brothers and sisters and your own self respect.
That is what the other half do. The other half that are NOT sitting and learning. These are the two choices one has. You are either on the religious side of the coin or you are on the secular side of the coin. These are issues one needs to think about in Israel. Of course there are also religious chayalim but I am speaking in more general terms and in the realities of the situation.