We must also remember that anxiety can also indicate a clash between one’s environment and oneself. The person can be totally functioning but in a totally unsuitable social climate. If someone experiences anxiety for a prolonged period of time, chronically, then in some cases anxiety could become second-nature.
When we cannot change our environment, then yes sometimes we can change ourselves to adapt.
lilmod ulelamaid: Are we talking about the same story? It’s where the man doesn’t want to have children (even if it’s about marriage, per se) because he had some sort of prophetic information that told him that he would be giving birth to a dangerous son, something like this. This wasn’t Issac right? No I don’t remember.
Anyway, it was about him asserting control of whether or not his offspring deserved to be born. The point was that we don’t make that decision.
The same is true in halacha. Abortion for the sake of the mother’s life, is permitted because the fetus is a rodef. Yet, from what I’ve learned, if the same woman simple wanted to abort the child because of an issue with the baby (generally speaking), then it’s not her place to make that choice. That’s intervening with Hashem’s Will.
Yet…. we do see that some rabbonim do recommend genetic testing for high risk couples for Tay Sachs. So if both parents have the genes, then oh well, it’s not beshert.
Finding the right person to marry isn’t black and white.
I agree with you that we have to use our head in this matter, to help guide the heart. It requires thought and discernment.