oomis
Maybe we run different circles but in most cases I know of the guy agrees when his mother nixes a shidduch based on XYZ and if he doesn’t I would think most mother’s wouldn’t stop their son from dating someone they’re interested in. “
I suspect I am a great deal older than you, so I guess we do run in different circles (wish I could still run)… But out here, most of the mothers of the type that has been negatively described, DO NOT EVEN LET THEIR SONS KNOW ABOUT THE GIRLS, if the moms do not first think the girl is attractive enough for their sons. It is only with their prior approval, that the boys are even shown the profiles of said girls. You would be shocked at how many moms WOULD ABSOLUTELY stop their sons from dating someone, by not letting the girl’s info even be made known to the son. I have friends who have done this, and I have told them my opinion on the subject.
Posted 5 hours ago #
MyTurnAtBat
Member
oomis can we assume that your daughters are all fascinating and gracious? Perhaps you are being a little critical of the males of our society, something I’m seeing a whole lot of on these pages. The boys are under tremendous pressure in general and on the date in particular. Not so the girls. There’s a post on these pages by a woman who says her son is going off the derech. He’s shomer shabbos but skips scharcharis and sleeps till noon. For a boy that’s off the derech. But that’s what we call a good girl. There’s so much less pressure on the women that it’s easier for them to act a little more together on dates, particular when on that date they are passive and the guy is doing all the driving, paying, and thinking of things to do, facing the parents etc. “
Since you asked and FTR, my girls ARE indeed, fascinating and gracious (as well as extremely attractive, smart, kind, loving, and baalos middos tovos, which they no doubt got from their father). One is married, two are not. And they daven every day. No one sleeps until noon, but if they did, they would still not skip shacharis OR mincha, because it is choshuv to them. Girls do not have the same halachic chiyuv in davening as boys (and if someone’s son is skipping Shacharis regularly, I would be a bit concerned about that), so your analogy, while well-intentioned, does not really hit the mark.
SOME girls are passive on dates, as are SOME boys. One cannot generalize about this. There is less pressure for the girls in SOME aspects of dating, but not in others, and there is less pressure for the boys in SOME aspects of dating but not others. The girls still have the majority of the waiting to be asked out. The boys generally are the ones getting all the profiles (sent to their moms), and it’s like Baskin-Robbins all over for them.