“Singles date so long because they have goyish view of life. If the Mishnah tells us to be married at 18, how can it be that we need to date till we are 30 or more?”
Go ahead and find me a rabbi who actually paskens this way. I’ve never met one.
“I didn’t say that anybody should marry a bad person or a really bad match, just a decent match. That’s all you need in this life as life is a journey and a challenge that is meant to be done in the company of a spouse.”
That’s not what you said originally. All you said one needs is a “half-decent person”– nothing about a “decent match”.
“I’m curious, since you call yourself a feminist, do you pick up your dates or meet them halfway? Do you split the check or even pick up the check? Do you brave rejection and ask out the guy. In other words, are you really a feminist?”
Go look at my profile. I created this account six years ago. If I were creating it today I would choose a different name. Does that mean I no longer call myself a feminist? Actually I do; I just wouldn’t choose to advertise it as much because on this site people get so hung up on the name and use that as a way to attack me rather than responding to the substance of what I post. (That’s less true in recent years since I’ve been posting less frequently to begin with and harping on feminist issues less as well, but then something like this comes up and you see what happens.)
My husband and I recently celebrated our first anniversary. However, to answer your questions based on how I behaved as a single (not that it’s really relevant, but I’ll humor you):
Yes, I asked out several guys rather than waiting for them to ask me. And yes, I was rejected more than once and it did hurt, but I kept doing it because it was important to me.
Yes, I split the check with some guys I dated. Others I let pay for me. The way I see it, if the guy and girl are in similar financial situations, there is no reason why the guy should always have to pay. When I was a student dating other students, I always split the check and I certainly didn’t insist on fancy, expensive dates. When I was a student dating older guys who were working and could afford to pay for me and didn’t mind doing it, I let them.
I did a lot of long-distance dating, and yes, sometimes I was the one to travel.
I don’t understand your last question about a “multi-decade search for a spouse with the men doing all the work”. If you’d like to clarify what you mean by that, I’d be happy to answer it.