i’ve been kind of following this thread on and off…since i’m in the parsha, figured i can add in my two cents… first of all, i’m one of those girls who wants a “normal” boy- whatever that means. And ya know what- this might blow you all away, I’m one of the (few) girls that wants a G-d fearing, upstanding, respectable, kind, WORKING guy. I just want to let you know that when i tell this to shadchanim, i get set up with boys much more modern than myself. I am a totally 100% frum BY type girl- and that doesn’t mean button down shirt, dark colored sweater, pleated skirt BY- I mean fun, colorful, (a little) open minded- but I’m in no way modern. Not that i like labels, but i’m using them so u understand what i’m saying. so basically, the working boys i’ve gone out with have either been a) totally rude and obnoxious and think (know) they are G-d’s gift to the world, and they let me know it, or b) just totally socially awkward, not knowing that u can’t come to a date in a crumpled suit, big lazy bums… so yes, out of all the boys i went out with, i’ve said no to like 11 of them! cuz you know what, i’m not even giving a second/third chance to ppl who are rude, obnoxious, or don’t care to present themselves nicely. So yes, you may call me picky, b/c i’m the one mostly saying no- but gosh- don’t i have the right? you don’t know my story, and you don’t know lots of girls stories!and yes, by the way, just like boys are attracted to certain looks, so are us girls, you can’t just marry someone whose looks you can’t stand! (disclaimer, there are for sure girls who are sooo picky and they don’t want anyone with red hair/beard/big nose/glasses- you know, narishkeit like that, i’m not saying there are no girls out there that are picky like that, i’m just saying, i don’t think most of them are) So I dunno where all the boys are that you are talking about are- the respectful, respectable, kind, gentlemen, who love Torah but perhaps happen to be working. where are they?? Another problem that i face by the way is the problem of support. my parents can’t commit to a certain amt! right now they are trying to support themselves, like many other ppl! i’m sure my parents aren’t the only ones! but if they can’t support, i’m not worth it??? THAT BOTHERS ME TO NO END. I THINK IT’S DISGUSTING. I HAVE A JOB, I’LL WORK, MY HUSBAND WILL WORK. IF YOU TRUST YOUR SON TO GET MARRIED, WHY CAN’T YOU TRUST THAT WE WILL FIGURE OUT OUR FINANCES WITHOUT MUCH FINANCIAL SUPPORT FROM MY PARENTS? SO WHAT IF WE MAKE A FEW MISTAKES- THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN IS WE WILL LEARN FROM THEM, AND WE WILL LEARN TO COMMUNICATE BETTER THAN MANY COUPLES WHO ARE SPOONFED FROM DAY ONE AND HAVE NO FINANCES TO DISCUSS CUZ ITS ALL BEING TAKEN CARE OF FOR THEM.
i might have gone slightly off topic, but just had to get it out, and it seemed like a pretty ok thread to add it to.