“(I’m speaking from a halachic perspective, not trying to give mussar.)”
I understand that; I don’t take halachic discussions personally. But thank you for pointing that out.
It would be a little hard to explain why I put it in the same category, but I had my reasons. On the one hand, in terms of the lady with the sick child, maybe I’m not exactly understanding the case, but it seems to me that it is not an absolute “ones”- why would a sick child prevent someone from lighting candles? And why couldn’t someone else in the house light? But then again, I’ve never had a sick child, so it could be I’m not “getting it”.
On the other hand, in terms of my case, I don’t want to go into all the details, because it’s too hard to explain, but basically, I felt like for me it was similar to the lady taking care of her sick child. And just like it would be hard for me to understand a mother taking care of her sick child, it would be hard for someone else to understand my situation.
But you just made me realize something – if I do ask the sheilah, I have to make sure to find someone whom I can explain my situation to.