Reply To: Is a Boy Looking to Date a Girl or a Chavrusah?

Home Forums Shidduchim Is a Boy Looking to Date a Girl or a Chavrusah? Reply To: Is a Boy Looking to Date a Girl or a Chavrusah?

Lilmod Ulelamaid


I agree that people should be themselves. I was very disturbed by the OP, personally. If a girl uses certain terms, it’s going to be assumed that she is trying to impress the boy??!! That sounds so ridiculous and judgmental to me. Maybe those words are part of her vocabulary. And now if either she or someone similar read this thread, they will feel like they have to be careful to davka NOT use those words on a date.

And honestly, I find it hard to believe that she davka used those words to impress the boy. Girls don’t usually try to sound more intellectual than they are in order to impress boys. The problem is usually the opposite – that girls are sometimes made to feel like they have to pretend to be less intellectual than they are.

Obviously people have to be realistic and normal and socially appropriate, and sometimes this can mean not overly-stressing certain aspects of themselves. L’maaseh we all do that all the time even though we are not necessarily aware of it. That is what basic social skills are about – not just saying everything you are thinking, and knowing when it’s appropriate to talk about what.

But at the same time, there is a limit. And if a person normally uses certain terms in their conversation, they shouldn’t feel like they can’t do so on a date because they will sound too intellectual. A girl like that needs a guy who will appreciate an intellectual girl.

And I don’t get what’s wrong with reminding him to daven Mincha. I would think that most guys would appreciate such a reminder, assuming it was given in a nice way. And if he doesn’t, he probably is not worthy of a girl like her.

But then again, I wasn’t there. And maybe the problem with both things (the terminology and the Mincha) was the way they were done.