Okay so while all of us are pretty much telling Rebshidduch to hold off, slow down, and maybe rethink her zeal in wanting to be with this guy with potential, is her thinking so off from what women are being taught?
I don’t know about you, but I feel like I have gotten a lot of opposing messages as a woman about my role.
On one hand, I definitely should not marry potential. At least, I had a Rebbetzin tell me that outright and said that marriage is not about changing anyone.
Then again, I can name a few books and rabbonim who emphasize the woman’s role and how she can transform her husband. Who was it? In the story with Korach where the man was saved because his wife was immodest brushing her hair or something by his front door when the men were rounding each other up?
There is something very heroic in my humble opinion, about being this woman who has the power to build a man up. Even secular stories about how the woman makes the man great. Without her, he would be no one.
So, yes. The differences are that they were married first, and maybe the man had more actualized success or strengths at that point. Still, maybe Rebshidduch is pulled by this guy and opportunity because she needs the extra challenge in life and is searching for meaning. Maybe that is a more attractive future than someone who she cannot connect with on a certain level, or has yet to do so.
—Yet I think what triggers us is that we, perhaps, recognize that Rebshidduch is coming from a place where she has personal growth to take on, before bringing a husband or potential husband into the picture. Having a guy right now may be clouding her vision and planning. And/or, I am super projecting here.
Thank you for hearing me out