Avira, you seem to be most upset by hypocrisy: Chabad invites people in but does not marry, while other Chasidim do not invite and do not marry. I think both approaches have merits – we have people with very particular minhagim, lifestyles, and values. Outsiders might not feel the same affinity, even if they accept it externally. It takes someone of R Twersky’s stature to advise a non-gebrocht SIL and Talmid of a Rosh Yeshiva to go to the seder of his FIL and eat gebrocht there. (to be precise advise is to the wife/daughter). Most poshute Yidden will be in a pretzel about this (pardon the hametzdik expression). Even more so with Chabad families who are driven both by teachings and practical activities of their group for several generations.
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