“It is just as clear that we (i.e. Yidden) do not hold by that a man should hold a door open for a woman moreso than a woman should hold open a door for a man, as it is clear that we do not hold by vegetarianism.”
Notice that I did not mention this weirdness about man for a women. It is normal decency to hold the door for someone not far behind you, and not let it slam shut as soon as they arrive.
You must be so steeped in goyish culture that this is what came to mind when I mention holding a door. Or so obsessed with doing the opposite, which amounts to being steeped in it.
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“You cannot makeup for yourself what “ideals that we clearly do not hold” and what “we” do.”
True. At a certain point you’ll need to judge what is a sensibility that wasn’t around or stressed, and what is contrary to the Torah’s priorities. Formula cannot supersede wisdom.
Like Reb Shimon ben Shetach said, מַה אַתּוֹן סָֽבְּרִין שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן שֶׁטַח בַּרְבְּרוֹן הֲוָה.
When Chazal say that we could have learned proper behavior from animals, would we have roared and barked at people? No. We would use our minds to judge.
Just because a sensibility for a certain behavior, or Middah, didn’t exist in the past, that does not make it wrong. It the past it was not expected to return a list item, and so neither did we — unless there was a Mitzva — but today that is called being a normal person. To keep it is cheap and selfish, in the eyes of decent society.
If you need a formula, let this be it: We cannot expect less from ourself than what we expect from others.