Ben – and there we have it. Thank you for being candid and saying that you pray to your rebbe.
As for your question about what the difference is between asking a live person for help, and a deceased – we have a pasuk that says that such things are assur. It says you cannot be “doresh el hameisim.” You are not allowed to seek out the help of dead people. You are not allowed to pray to them, because having a conversation with something or someone who you are not seeing ib front of you is a religious activity, a prayer.
And the 4th ani maamin says that only to Hashem is it fitting to oray.
But…the rebbe is….god, right? So it’s ok!
So any “svaros” which seek to undermine halacha, are megaleh panim. Which halacha is it against?
See mishnah berurah end of 581, quoting the maharil, which says clearly – that one should, when davening at kvarim, not think of the meisim:
ואמר דנראה לו טעם אחר משום דבבית הקברות מקום מנוחת הצדיקים, ומתוך כך הוא מקום קדוש וטהור והתפלה נתקבלה ביותר על אדמת קדש. והמשתטח על קברי הצדיקים ומתפלל אל ישים מגמתו נגד המתים השוכבים שם, אך יבקש מאת השם יתברך שיתן אליו רחמים בזכות הצדיקים שוכני עפר תנצב”ה.
See kaf hachaim תקפא ס”ק צה , who warns of an issur.
There’s a lot more discussion in the poskim about this. The minhag of davening by kvarim is defended by the maharil who says that you’re davening bzchus the tzadik, and othet poskim who say that the tzadik is being asked to daven for you, which is based on the gemaras that you yourself quoted above
Ever wonder why in all the chazals you accurately quote, about davening by kvarim, that never once – not by kalev, not by anyone – was a request made of the tzadik himself? It was always to daven to Hashem on their behalf.
Maybe the “what’s the difference if they’re alive or dead” idea is.
..wrong? Baseless? Avodah zara?