Menachem – we’re talking about different things. I noted above that asking mechila is fine, and thanks for mentioning other things that are related to the meis himself(with moshe asking about burying yosef etc..)
Answering questions in learning is fine, too, because their knowledge doesn’t go away when they pass away; on the contrary, they know more torah than before.
But thanks for making me aware of the rema; i didn’t know about it before.
But i hope we can agree that bakashos, asking for assistance from shomayim, as in, health, parnosa, children, or spiritual things like help in doing teshuva, learning, etc…those are tefilos which are only for Hashem or for tzadikim to bring to Hashem.
In the context of the conversation, you need to be careful in your lashon, as many in your community believe that the lubavitcher rebbe is capable of fulfilling an individual’s bakashos.