none: You have sadly been misinformed that Judaism is a box and that every Jew must fit in. You have been told that there is no individuality, and that those who differ from the norm are complete outcasts. Well I’d like to enlighten you with the truth.
The Torah IS non-negotiable, every Yid must adhere to its laws and commandments. There are positive commandments and negative commandments written explicitly in the Posuk, and additionally, there is Torah shebaal peh that interprets what’s written there. Torah Shebaal Peh was told to Klal Yisroel by Har Sinai, only not written down. Torah shebaal peh has the same significance as Torah Shebichsav (besides for very specific circumstances), and thus we must follow all that it says. We weren’t given Torah Shebaal Peh so that we can be “contricted” further, or so that we would be “limited” in more ways, but so that we can follow the Torah on a true and correct path, of which we wouldn’t be aware of without Torah Shebaal Peh.
A Yid is born with the tools and כוחות necessary to fulfill his תפקיד in this world; the ability and strength to follow the Torah. Some people don’t naturally seem to have the strength to fulfill certain mitzvos, but if only they would believe, understand, and recognize that Hashem created them with the strength, they would push themselves beyond the limits they seem confined by. Yes, many people have a hard time waking up for Shacharis, and no, it isn’t easy to part with a tenth of your salary, or refrain from talking about certain topics that are considered l”h… It isn’t easy to forgive someone who wronged you, it isn’t simple to adhere to all hilchos shabbos … the list is endless. We have a Yetzer Hara for every mitzva. Some people have a bigger Yetzer Hara for one mitzva, and a smaller one for another. Some people have an easy time with Kibud Av, but find it extremely difficult to be dan lkaf zechus or vice versa…
And thus we have individuality.
With these unique natural strengths and weaknesses we possess, we each serve Hashem in our own individual way, along our singular path of avodas Hashem. We can expand and go beyond in areas that we have a naturally easier time doing, and we additionally work on mitzvos that we struggle with and have difficulty keeping. Not one Yid should be feeling that Hashem wants him to be identical to his friend; not one Yid should think that the Torah is something he must conform to in the exact way as any other Yid. Every person has their own Yetzer Hara, their own life circumstances, their own family, friends, past experiences, and talents. And with all Hashem has given him, you, me, we adhere to the Torah and follow all it says – in our own individual way.
In Judaism, there are 2 different aspects: the יחיד, the individual, and the ציבור, the group, the entirety of our nation.
The יחיד – each and every one of us – has יחידות, individuality, a unique tafkid, purpose, in this world. We each serve Hashem privately and independently, refining our middos, controlling our desires, working on all different areas of Yiddishkeit in our own unparalleled manner.
The ציבור – all of us as a whole – has the strength and power and zechus of everyone in it, as well as a responsibility for those included in it, We each add to, and enrich the כלל with our individuality, our talents, and our abilities.
If one thinks that differing from the norm is unacceptable in Yiddishkeit, he is right and he is wrong.
– If one differs from Torah Shebichsav, Torah Shebaal Peh, from Halacha, from the guidance and instructions of Gedolei Hador, then that is completely and entirely – not only unacceptable, but – wrong.
– If one differs in how they fulfill Torah Shebichsav, Torah Shebaal Peh, or Halacha, in a manner that aligns with Ratzon Hashem, then not only is that NOT unacceptable, it is welcomed and admired and accepted in every way.
none – You seem to have experienced quite the opposite, which is extremely unfortunate. My wish is that you will one day recognize and understand how individuality is something cherished in Yiddishkeit, and that in no way does Hashem want us following Him in identical ways to those around us.
Hashem is Perfect. The Torah is Perfect. The Mitzvos are Perfect. For one to say that a certain aspect of the Torah doesn’t work for them, or is too hard for them to fulfill, is terribly mistaken, and should receive guidance as to how they can shift their current mindset. And again, Yiddishkeit is not “sit back and relax, you’re on vacation toward עוה”ב”. We’re here in this world to work hard, to go beyond what seems naturally possible for us to do, and to do Hashem’s Ratzon in any and every circumstance.
People tell themselves, “If I stretch myself too far, I’m gonna snap” – and while that is true, that doesn’t mean you can’t stretch at all.