Wtsp you seem to have a very do or die mentality. You _have_ to. You need to. You can’t question. It’s ok to be a soldier. But you need to also relax. This is a very unforgiving way of looking at the world and that’s one thing we need for ourselves and for real life is _forgiveness_ it’s ok to be imperfect. If you never make a mistake if your never needy where does G-d come in? You need to earn and learn to connect to your creator and sometimes that comes from being human. So relax. It’s ok not to be perfect. I really really appreciate your pointers cuz they are fascinating and being wonderful points to the table, but and I hear them they make a lot of sense but I still can’t help but shake the feeling that you have a very do or die mentality. That’s not healthy. Relax. Hashem may be perfect but he created you with all of our complications _not_ to be perfect and if G-d created you and He knows how he designed you, and He loves you. And He wants what’s best for you and He cares deeply for you and wants to give you the best life _ever_ why oh why would he make you work like a souldier day and night, instead of living a real raw human life. True love and care comes from accepting others. And G-d I’m sure accepts you as you are with all your frilly human failings exactly as you are with your imperfections and your sighs for the stress it takes to do what you believe your supposed to. You _never_ struggle under the burden of your tafkid to fullfil all the roles you are tought to do. Ye right.
