You know, it’s all well and good to say that a hat and jacket is a lechatchila according to our particular derech. As a parent though, I long decided that this could not be a yehoreig ve’al ya’avor. I’d seen enough other kids to think, what if my son for whatever reason is chafing at the bit? Should he feel disenfranchised if he comes to shul without a hat or jacket? They always knew that the line was not hat and jacket, or not, but kempt vs. unkempt. You daven, you look like a mensch. Interestingly, they have no problem with the hat and jacket and bli ayin hara are doing quite well in the system.
But we have to loosen up a bit.
Or maybe I’m missing some kana’us gene.