Dr. Pepper, you made some VERY salient points, which I had not considered. It is not that anyone wants to discriminate, it is that the nature of how even the nicest, middos-filled non-frum people comport themselves in terms of physical tznius, means that we can no longer assume that a BT is not a mamzer, or chalal, or even Jewish. It is so sad that we have to be so careful, but we do, for the sake of our future generations. If two Jews marry and divorce civilly only, then the wife remarries and has a child, that child is a mamzer. If a girl had an “active” life before marriage, then became frum, she might not realize she cannot marry a kohein. So many issues, and all of them seem so unfair to the person who genuinely wants to live a Torah life. And that is why our actions have such a profound impact on our kids.
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