I am also depressed. I had a hard family life as a teenager and am now still struggling many years later. I dont feel like I make any progress in life and am just living for the sake of it with no real purpose. I am hugely capable and get frustrated that I dont use my abilities (I am very clever and capable of doing pretty much anything if I want to and put my mind to it) to accomplish anything this makes me even more depressed. I am now well passed the age I should have been married and this is diffucult because all my firends are married and seem so happy and I want this but dont seem to be able to put myself in a position where I feel ready to start dating, even though I want to for many reasons including spiritually, phyiscal desires, loneliness and I know it will help me and make me happier. I dont feel that I can go on a date and look a girl in the eye unless I know what I am doing with my life and where I am going, – goals in life. Girls what is pshat in this? What are you specifically taking about when you say goals in life? Where you want to live? How many kids? Kollel/work? e.t.c
I have taken on part time work and this is good because it gives me a fair amount of money and some kind of purpose but it is not a job I want to do. I am just doing it for something to do and because my fanily kind of made me get a job. My friends and family dont really get how I feel. I hide it from them because I am embaressed about my problems, and so they just think I am fine and put pressure on my to go on shidduchim and get on with life and I cant tell them I dont feel in a position to do so.
Without being to not humble I have good middos, and am good looking, smart funny and a normal guy so on the outside everyone sees this and thinks that I am fine, and only I know I am not so I have to keep putting people of with all sorts nonsense reasons when they suggest this girl and that girl, all of whom may be great. So despite my desire for the intimacy and closeness that a person has with his wife, I feel uncomfortable about sharing my true feelings with a potential kallah until I would be so close with her that we would be engaged but obviously I have a duty to tell any girl about my depression and true feelings well before we would reach this stage, maybe after a few dates. So I am in a catch 22. Espically seeing I am sure that having a kallah would greatly help me to overcome my problems because I would have a soul mate, best firend, confident and someone to share absloutely everything with all rolled into one. Just thinking about this it seems so great kol v’chomer actually having it.
Please help with any advice, particulary girls, how would you feel about going out with a guy like me/ in my position?
And shaddachnim/ people with experince in shidduchim what advice can you give me?
Thanks