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I watched the cr for a long time and realized how supportive everyone here is and now I have my own username.
I’m a teenager and I’m really depressed. I’m on antidepressants and going to a psychologist. Nothing is changing! I need your support and suggestions. TIA.
I don’t know how long you are going to this psychologist, but you have to give it time. If a long time went by and you see absolutely no progress, it might be time to listen to referrals.
Is your depression based on anything specific? Can you think of anything that does lift you up? Do you have hobbies? Do you have friends?
Now that you made yourself a screen name, why don’t you share your opinions on all other matters, as well? It is very depressing to be depressed, so try to get your mind off that topic, when your not actively trying to do something about it. Get busy with things. Activety flushes you with energy, or life.
First and foremost: Welcome to the CR!! Hope you’ll have a nice time here!
I suffered from Anxiety. I bought the Attacking Anxiety and Depression Program by Lucinda Basset (wrote abt this on other threads). It was great. It really helped me overcome my anxiety. They also have therapists who work with you on the phone. I didn’t need it B”H, but maybe you do.
Also, the first thing you should ever do when in a dilemma ask Daas Torah for advice.
Second, therapy doesn’t always help right away. It might take some time till you see results.
Thirdly, maybe the therapist you’re currently going to isn’t the right one for you.
And most of all:KEEP STRONG!
Hatzlacha Rabba!!!!
I feel your pain, i went through the same thing i just fought it myself..and bh i won… it is a very hard battle but u will with hashems help get out of it soon…. i would advise you to read dr. sarno books that really really helped me..there is a rabbi katz in bp that might help u to..good luck!!!! be strong!!!!!! i would be glad to help u over the phone let me know…
Rabbi Nathaniel Helfgot is a survivor of depression. He wrote about his experience and it was published in *Jewish Action*:
http://www.yctorah.org/component/option,com_docman/task,doc_download/gid,135/
I was going through a most difficult time and was extremely down. I spoke to a Rebbe and told him how ashamed I was and how angry I was with Hashem. Astonishingly he said “Did you tell Hashem how bad you feel??” He knew at that time I was not davening – He encouraged me to talk to Hashem – That was the beginning of my recovery. I also realised that no one understands me – so people telling me to pull my socks up I still ignore. I also try and watch comedy films or you tube clips. It helps. Hatzlocho – THINK GOOD AND IT WILL BE GOOD
Be Happy: So true! I did the same. Blahblah, how abt you write a letter with the opening sentence “Dear Hashem” and then write whatever you want to tell Him. He understands you best!
I find that it helps a lot to help other people. Make yourself the go-to guy (or girl) for anyone that needs help with anything. There’s no greater feeling in the world than that slightly crazed high that comes when a ridiculously difficult task is finally done, and knowing that you’ve done something good for someone else is a real booster.
that’s hard-especially when it comes along with feelings of no one understanding you…..i wish i can offer specific advice its just hard when so general bec there are so many specific things causing depression….but i can wish you the best of luck and assure you that the mere fact that you are seeking helop and trying to do something about it is a step and thats awesome-the worst is the dispair-but trust me if you keep up the attitude of wanting to help yourself ull work it all out and youll emerge the biggest victor-gluck!
also, sometimes it pays to just have a good friend to confide in-many times we hold things back and thats half the hardship-the hiding-so pick someone you trust-a close friend or whomever you want and just a) let it out b) just have fun-try not to think about all the problems…that you shld do once a week with a professional-just live it up-go out, and enjoy yourself-BUT GET OUT THERE 🙂
Someone I know is suffering from depression too. I just heard that 20% of teens suffer from it so know that its not unusual. Keep going to your therapist-it takes time. Stay strong. You’ll get through it! Feel better!
It’s hard to be a teenager. I hated hearing “be happy, these are the best days of your life”. NOT TRUE for everyone. If you can tough it out, things will improve. Anti-depressants can take a few weeks to kick in, but if you don’t see a difference after that, make sure to tell your doctor.
Exercise has been shown to help combat depression, so you might want to try that. Hatzlocha! Keep us posted on how you’re doing!
may i suggest you speak to someone . the met council has many wonderful programs for all ages.
pleae call there 212-453-9500 and speak to someone in ”crisis intervention”
they can help you or direct you.
i know someone who is depressed and needs to see someone and her parents are ignoring it what can i do to help??
Blabla, first of all, I wish you a complete refuah shelayma. Although we usually can’t figure it out at the time, ultimatley Hashem doesn’t put any challenge in front of us that we won’t eventually see our way through. That realization has helped me over many humps. I know that depression can be debilitating, especially when you don’t even want to get out of bed. But the fact that you reached out here is a positive step, because it shows you want to feel better.
Several previous posters had great ideas, such as force yourself out of the house, try to do as much chesed as you can, keep your mind busy, watch a funny video, and physical exercise. If your home situation is problematic, try to go away for Shabbosism. If you don’t have a Rebbe, family or friends to whom you can go, then sign up with Shabbat.com, and they’ll place you!
Hang in there, the worst may already be behind you!
yoyo please see my post earlier.
call met council 212-453-9500, they can help u
Refuah Sheleimah!
It is hard to understand depression unless you have been there or you are trained in the subject.
Firstly, kudos for reaching out for help. Secondly don’t be hard on yourself you did not cause this to happen. If you have any idea what triggered it or what makes you feel sad, you can truly help your doctors make progress with your case. Don’t be afraid to bring your family into the picture if it will help. In many cases family therapy is warranted.
Now is NOT a good time to do chessed for others or to volunteer. You have to put yourself at the top of your priority list. YOU need to concentrate on how YOU feel and what YOU can concentrate on and do. Do not expect too much of yourself, you are a work in progress and it will take time as well as the right medication to get you back to where you can recognize yourself and you feel like yourself again. You might feel like your hugging the bed and not really waking up till late in the afternoons and not really functioning or able to concentrate till the evenings. This is normal for depression and it is not “you” it is the disease. You might find that you are gaining weight or you have the munchies that could be a side effect from the meds. Let the doctor know immediately. You may find that you lose your appetite. Let your doctor know immediately. You may find that you are antsy or anxious if you are left alone and feel more comfortable if someone is with you, that is also one of the manifestations of the disease. There are many. You might want to be alone or you might want some company.
You might find that you can’t even concentrate enough to read a book, or to answer your emails or to follow a tv program. Understand that these things can happen and don’t let it get to you. That is why I say that NOW is not the best time to push yourself to volunteer or to be responsible to other people. Do whatever you can for yourself and don’t worry about others counting on you. No one is more important at this minute than you are. No one’s problems or issues are more important at this time than yours. You can’t help anyone if you are not well and happy. So right now be as selfish as you need to be and just take care of numero uno, you.
Do whatever makes you feel happy, calm, relaxed and content. Try to be as open and as honest with your therapist as possible. Set your goals with your therapist and don’t let anyone else push or prod you. Let your psychiatrist know how our therapy sessions are going and how you are doing on your medication. Again be as honest with him/her as you can. They are not mind readers and they can’t help you if you are not honest.
Understand that a patient and therapist is NOT a shidduch and if you don’t feel you can communicate with the one you have be honest with your psychiatrist and let him know. The whole point now is honesty and getting to the root of your problem so that you get well. You have a life to get back to, you have school to catch up on and a whole world that is continuing without you, so you need to work WITH your doctors and help them to help you. You have to trust these people in order for them to treat you appropriately.
Teenagers have many secrets and have way too many obligations to others vis a vis promises, secrets, knowledge of things they shouldn’t know, knowledge of family illnesses and of problems in shalom bayis and finances. These adds way too much stress and anxiety for the average teen. There are also issues that we have discussed here with inappropriate speech and actions whether in the home or outside in reference to sexual harassment or molestation. There are also many, many issues of bullying that teenagers go through. Some of these hidden issues that teenagers keep secret can manifest themselves into depression. Teens need to realize that if they are already seeing a professional that Hashem has helped them find a yeshuah and that they now have someone they can unburden to, someone who can help them escape their nightmares. I am IN NO WAY suggesting or implying that this is the case with the OP, i am saying that WHATEVER her situation is SHE should be honest with her therapists so that they can help her and guide her. AND if anyone else finds themselves in that situation they too should be honest with their therapists to they can be helped before their illness gets worse.
sending you a smile, and a vote of confidence. i know it’s tough, but you’ll make it. you’ll see.
btw…yayou for reaching out. that’s a big step in the right direction.
Hello. Welcome to our community. You’ll find some of the nicest, funniest etc. personalities here. I mean it! They were and are a tremendous support for me. I too feel for you. Went through it, mildly B”H. Sending you brochos here from the Holy Land for a complete yeshua.
BTW, did you know that ZeesKite played a major role in the discovery of electricity by Ben Franklin? If he can do it, anybody can.
Seriously, you should probably first think of what exactly is upsetting you. Try to identify an exact cause. Some people really have major reasons to be depressed Chas vShalom. I.e., poor health, handicap, constant physical pain or loss of a limb, no job, rejection from a school, broken shidduch, divorce, loss of a loved one, etc.
But if one doesn’t have any of these, then probably one is not counting his blessings properly. Many would give millions to be physically healthy and able to function.
Try setting huge goals. Study as hard as you can and try to get into the top program in the field you like the best. Make yourself into all you can be. Do a lot of chessed. Build projects. Become an expert in a particular craft. The more you can say you have done, the better you’ll feel.
I am also depressed. I had a hard family life as a teenager and am now still struggling many years later. I dont feel like I make any progress in life and am just living for the sake of it with no real purpose. I am hugely capable and get frustrated that I dont use my abilities (I am very clever and capable of doing pretty much anything if I want to and put my mind to it) to accomplish anything this makes me even more depressed. I am now well passed the age I should have been married and this is diffucult because all my firends are married and seem so happy and I want this but dont seem to be able to put myself in a position where I feel ready to start dating, even though I want to for many reasons including spiritually, phyiscal desires, loneliness and I know it will help me and make me happier. I dont feel that I can go on a date and look a girl in the eye unless I know what I am doing with my life and where I am going, – goals in life. Girls what is pshat in this? What are you specifically taking about when you say goals in life? Where you want to live? How many kids? Kollel/work? e.t.c
I have taken on part time work and this is good because it gives me a fair amount of money and some kind of purpose but it is not a job I want to do. I am just doing it for something to do and because my fanily kind of made me get a job. My friends and family dont really get how I feel. I hide it from them because I am embaressed about my problems, and so they just think I am fine and put pressure on my to go on shidduchim and get on with life and I cant tell them I dont feel in a position to do so.
Without being to not humble I have good middos, and am good looking, smart funny and a normal guy so on the outside everyone sees this and thinks that I am fine, and only I know I am not so I have to keep putting people of with all sorts nonsense reasons when they suggest this girl and that girl, all of whom may be great. So despite my desire for the intimacy and closeness that a person has with his wife, I feel uncomfortable about sharing my true feelings with a potential kallah until I would be so close with her that we would be engaged but obviously I have a duty to tell any girl about my depression and true feelings well before we would reach this stage, maybe after a few dates. So I am in a catch 22. Espically seeing I am sure that having a kallah would greatly help me to overcome my problems because I would have a soul mate, best firend, confident and someone to share absloutely everything with all rolled into one. Just thinking about this it seems so great kol v’chomer actually having it.
Please help with any advice, particulary girls, how would you feel about going out with a guy like me/ in my position?
And shaddachnim/ people with experince in shidduchim what advice can you give me?
Thanks
yoyo, is she in school? If so let her teacher or guidance counselor know so they can talk to the parents. If she is out of school and of age 18 and older then take her to her doctor who will ask her if she wants him to call her parents and discuss it or if she wants him to recommend a therapist for her.
i know of a beautiful bridge. the likes of none other.
Depressed? As a teen? How can that be, when you have your whole life ahead of you? Do you realize that as a teen, you can avoid many of the mistakes us adults have made?
Still, I was a teen at one point, so I know life seems daunting. But take it from someone who’s been there and back; Life is GREAT (98% of the time) and loads of fun, most of the time. School is tough, authority can be a pain, but hang in there and you’ll hit adulthood before you know it.
Don’t believe me? Use this as a measuring stick; in no time flat, you’re going to ask the MODs to change your name from BlahBlahBlah to Whoopie!
In the meantime, if you need something specific, please ask. As a starting point, you might consider reading the “how to build my self esteem” thread. There is lots of upbeat info there.
bpt- I think your post shows that you’re a little naive. Blabla is on meds, this shows that she has a chemical imbalance. It doesn’t mean that she isn’t trying to enjoy life (although at this point she may not be trying anymore since she might have given up)
This does not mean that people who are depressed aren’t happy with what they have or are “bad” people because of this depression. For many it’s a chemical imbalance. Nothing but meds and therapy can help that. Take it from someone who has been there done that. I am currently on meds, seeing a therapist and b”H THRILLED with life. I remember being miserable, being so distracted by my depression and guess what, my therapist told me that many people are like this…
in my school we dont have a guidance counselor which is a little insane and i cant take her to a doc cuz it will be weird
I saw that, but did not see it as something I needed to comment on. Nor did it change what I would say, even if there were no meds involved. Are there some things that need medication? Sure. Can medication alone do everything? No, I don’t think so.
Besides, if Blah (wow, I really don’t feel comfortable calling someone Blah) was getting all the necessary help from the meds alone, there would be no need to reach out for encouragement, would there?
And no, I did not say, chuck the meds; the CR is all you need. All I said is, look beyond the here and now (which may or may not be so rosy) and see a world that is waiting for you, one that you can have a fair share of, as long as you beleive that YOU CAN BE HAPPY.
Are meds necessary? Not sure; I’m not a doctor.
Is a positive attitude necessary? ABSOULUTELY! (ask any doctor)
Stamford Hilly Billy-
Thats a real tough situation to be in…I feel for you.
From my (a female who has been dating) point of view, its hard to know when you are really interested in starting to date and getting close to a girl. Sometimes intimacy can be very scary for people, myself included. Alot of times we are afraid of rejection or not being accepted for who we are…
In terms of “goals”-that word can mean different things to different people. Some people may have a goal to get a top job and make it rich and have many comforts in life. Others may have goals to constantly work on themselves to be better people, or to get closer to Hashem…there are many goals people can have-emotionally, physically and of course spiritual. It depends on the individual person.
In terms of dating, you seem like a very special and thoughful person, who has a lot to offer. If you dont mind me asking-have you been on a date before, just to get your feet wet? Sometimes that may help ease someone into the dating world. Of course its impossible to know after just a short time of dating, but it seems that a girl who is caring, understanding of you, accepts you for who you are and is motivating and upbeat will be a good match for you and you can help each other grow and bring out the best in each other. Thats really one of the goals in marriage-to bring out the best in the other person, and help the other partner grow in what he or she is lacking.
Of course one important component in being ready for marriage is working on oneself, self introspecting, and knowing who you are. A partner could help you go along with that and give you an objective opinion on what you would really want to do in life. Of course this should be a girl who is well thought out, but they are definitely out there 🙂
Another thing-if you dont mind me asking. Have you tried therapy in any sort? Its hard to find a good therapist but with the right one, and perseverence and determination, they can really help change your life and bring you to a healthy, self satisfied and clear place. I know of some good ones who have helped people who are afraid or wary of marriage for various reasons become much more healthier and have happy and strong unions. If the mods allow, maybe you can message me privately? I hope this helps…
Blabla, part of this can be for you. I remember those teenage years. They can be quite turbulent, and even if its not so obvious, I am sure many girls you know are also going through something similar. I am having you in mind and want to give you a Bracha that Hashem should be with you and help you find true and longlasting happiness very soon…
blahbla: Just wondering. How’s it going? Any change? We haven’t heard from you in all this time. Hope life’s treating you better….keep us posted!
Stamford Hilly Billy-
Do you have a Rebbi who you can talk to?
Depression in teens can lead to suicide and should never go unchecked!
YoYo, have you spoken to your friend’s parents?
Mods what happened to my post?
Stamford –
Unless you’re talking about clinical depression which needs medication, what may snap you out of your rut, is DATING. True, you may not have the firepower to keep up with the A++ crowd (but neither can I, so don’t feel bad)but to someone like yourself (your age, background, interests, ect) you are JUST THE PERSON THEY ARE WAITING FOR! You have much to offer, and just need to be a bit confident in yourself and your abilities.
If your condition is indeed medical, that needs to be admitted to by the end of the 2nd date. If you can make it thru 2 full dates, chances are they are seeing you for what you really are, and will understand that your condition is managable.
Believe in yourself!
Stamford, I also think you should believe more in yourself but it sounds like you are stuck and in need of some counseling. Whether you choose a therapist or a coach, you can benefit from setting some short term measurable and attainable goals to get on the right track and to prove to yourself that you CAN accomplish what you set your mind to. With the right support system and the right encouragement you can learn how to get past the obstacles in your way. You might even learn what those obstacles are.
I think you would benefit more from therapy than from dating. You might not fair well right now if you get rejected because you might not understand why and might take it too personally. It would be more beneficial at this time to work on yourself and get past some of the issues that are holding you back so you can go out on the dating scene with more confidence in yourself and what you have to offer another person. And please remember getting to the Chupah is not a race. Everyone at the right time with the right person. Hatzlocha.
guy-ocho,
you are sick !
MODS, why are you letting that go through
oops. Didn’t realize what he meant.
blabla
First of all, I hope you’re feeling better today. I know that with depression there are better and worse days. I hope today is a better one.
I’ve seen someone very close to me overcome depression more than once,and as their main source of support, I have come to learn a thing or two about living with depression.
Since I am not familiar with your emotional/mental medical history,the severity of your depression, or your general lifestyle and possible causes for your depresion I cannot offer specific advice, but I believe that the RIGHT PSYCHOLOGIST and a great SUPPORT SYSTEM are crucial for your recovery.
So you might want to read through these few questions below, and see if your psychologist is indeed doing what he/she should:
1. Is this psychologist treating the symptoms, or the problem? Depression manisfests itself in a variety of ways, but the key is to treat the underlying cause.
2. Does your psychologist spend most of the session talking to you about “how you’ve been doing” since the last visit, or does he/she ask you to brief him/her on how you’ve progressed (or haven’t, C”V), and then immediately starts talking tachlis. The former is a big red flag. The better psychologists are mainly focused on tachlis, and encourage a good support system (family, friends)to let you vent or offer encouragement.
4. Who controls the session? You or the psychologist? He/she should. Do you feel that he/she has a goal for each session, or do you just talk about whatever until time is up?
I have lots more to say, but I hate long posts, so one more point:
Please, please, please tell me your getting support from someone other than us members in the cr. That is so so important. I don’t know if and how often you still check this thread, so I hope to God there’s someone who is there for you whenever you need an ear or a hug.
I’ll be davening for your hatzlacha! And I promise you that life won’t always be this ___________- you fill in the blank….
ATTENTION: STAMFORD HILLY BILLY – i am in a similar situation, but i have made a lot of progress, by combining a few different ideas and programs please contact me i really want to help you out if i can and feel that i can!
My Parsha teacher really delivered a fantastic shiur related to this. She said that Moshe Rabbeinu had a real difficult childhood (was adopted, wasn’t allowed to leave the palace, ran away to Midya etc.etc), and look who he turned out to be! He had real difficult middos, and look what a great tzaddik and navi he was! He was in fact the greatest navi of all! You have a hundred thousand reasons to be depressed, go OTD etc. There are a million ppl you can blame for what you’re doing. But where does it get you? If there’s a banana peel on the floor, and you slipped, you won’t sit there crying and blaming the banana peel. Get up, and throw the banan peel in the trash! Nobody said the banana peel doesn’t exist, or that it didn’t cause you to slip. But now what? Sit there and cry??
Not blaming blahbla of course, she’s getting help already. It just that it got me thinkin’, y’know. I sometimes blame my bad mood on my classmate, sibling etc. We gotta learn to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and forgive and forget.
Sometimes you can choose to give in to a bad mood or choose to push those feelings aside and do something productive. But other times it is not within our power of choice.
i have not spoken to her parents because her parents would not believe me they are in denial they dont want to face the fact and they are not americans they are immagrants
first of all, i commend you for reaching out. just know that you are not alone. unfortunately, many people suffer from depression and mostly in silence. your post touched me because i used to suffer from severe depression for way too many years. i was officially diagnosed when i was 18 but was probably suffering from it since i was 13. it stayed with me until my mid-20’s. it was the worst years of my life but i would not be where i am today without going through all of it. i was in therapy and on different meds for years. nothing worked and then Hashem sent me a new doctor who changed my meds and for the first time in years, i had a smile on my face. when i was first diagnosed they told me i would always be like this and on meds forever. i have been med free for years. don’t give up. it takes a while to find the right medication and the right dosage. i know it isn’t easy but you have to have patience. if the meds you are currently on have been in your system for a while and don’t seem to be helping, then ask your doctor to try a different medication and see. there are so many out there and what works for one person, may not work for another. it took me 6 years to get the right medication and dosage. i daven for you that it should not take that long. my depression was caused by a number of factors but the main thing was i had a chemical imbalance in my brain so no matter how much therapy i went through, without the right meds i couldn’t get out of the depression. keep fighting, keep trying different meds, stay in therapy, and of course daven. you are in my thoughts and prayers. Hatzlacha!
yoyo, can you get her to see her physician?
blabla
Great hearing from you again! Hope you’re doin ok today! Keep in touch, if you can, and let us know how things are going.
“I have had some better days and….. today was a better one. “
Wonderful! See? “Blah” doesnt suit you at all. Try something that illustrates the person you can be.
And make no mistake, we all have down days. Nothing wrong with that, as long as you don’t let it keep you down.
Tomid b’simcha.. that’s the ticket to freedom… even in a grey moment, because the feeling passes, and you can start fresh.
CUM LAUDE we need you in this thread!! PLEASE RESPOND!!!!!
Thanks for all your thoughts on my initial posting.
For those who say life is great, how can you be depressed e.t.c you no offence but you have obviously never been affected by depression, or not what I suffer from at least.
Whatrutalkingabt –
I do have a Rebbe but often feel embarrassed talking too much about my problems to him, because I feel so bad about them. Also talking over the phone is not the same has in person, which is the only possibility.
Lightitup –
Bpt-
I do believe in myself and abilities that is not the issue for me, it is more an issue of making use of them to accomplish my aims and goals.
Aries –
ditto re bpt. Also see above. It is not about a race to the chupah for me, if that was true I would have been off the blocks a long time ago. Has I put in my original post I have many reasons that I want to get married and these are all legitimate reasons, it is just certain things are holding me back from fulfilling this desire to get married.
Parasoxescliches –
if you can help me please do so. That would be amazing. Mods please see if you can arrange for a swap of contact info between us. Thanks.
Observanteen –
your second post is spot on, how we feel is not always within our power of choice and it vital that people understand this rather than writing things like just smile. If only life was so simple
Hilly: Her point was that it’s really up to you to decide whether you want to get up or continue to drown in self pity. It really is a pity that ur talents and personality is going to waste. C’mon! Giddi up! I’m positive you’ve had some difficulties that caused your depression. BUT, I don’t think this should stop you from moving on. Hatzlacha!
A child has a meltdown in the supermarket. Give the child a minute or two to express his feelings, then change the subject. “let’s go pick out some breakfast cereal” or “help me find the graham crackers” We need that kind of treatment too. Acknowledge what you are feeling, and then get up and find something else to do. Take a walk out in the sunlight. Sunlight really helps. Examine what is bothering you, and do something. example – you’re not happy with the way you look – take out the clothes that look the best, and put them on. You don’t feel you have any friends – look around, find someone else who is alone, and start a conversation. Any small step makes you a little stronger, and a little less helpless. Last, I’ve had just a tiny sampling of what biochemical depression feels like. If you need meds, stick with them.
Willy, We can only advise you about what we have experienced ourselves or what we have done to help others. You can accept what we say or wave us off with excuses. After all you can only lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. Please excuse the analogy. You are not our client or patient and we don’t know your full history or story and we are NOT asking you to disclose it, we are just trying to be helpful according to the little bit that you told us. And from the little bit that you have revealed it sounds to many of us that you are stuck and need some help to move forward. We are NOT judging you nor do we wish to argue with you. NOT every therapist is a shidduch nor is every therapy a success at first. It all depends on how much the patient/client accepts what is offered and how much work they put into it. Of course that depends if they recognize the truth or if they deny what others see. In addition, if the patient/client does not feel comfortable with the therapist they chose they will never accept the proper help from them. That happens as well but one should not feel discouraged by that they should seriously consider finding another therapist that they feel more comfortable working with.
Whatever you choose and whatever you do, you should just know that people do care about you and love you and wish you well. Whatever is keeping you from moving forward is not an immovable force. You just need to define it and find a way to get around it. Hatzlocha rabbah!
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