DH, I think you misunderstood my first point. The poor, starving people are people that I know. They are standing in front of me. I give what I can, but I don’t have that much I can spare. Unless you think the next time I see a poor starving child, I say “a donation has been made in your honor to XYZ Kollel?”
As to mesiras nefesh – I do agree that the families have a lot of mesiras nefesh. The Kollel man does not. An adult man needs some basic nutrients to survive as a decently healthy adult. A growing child or a pregnant/nursing woman needs a lot more nutrients to survive healthily in the long term. And that’s not a “kollel” thing – I know a lot of poor people. People who can’t afford food on their table, people for whom a ketchup packet given by a friend is a major luxury. People who can’t afford milk for their kids. People who leave the heat on 50 degrees in the frigid winter in NY. People who live in tiny apartments (including studios) with their children and no one has any privacy. But again, this is on the FAMILY, not on the man.
My husband is up at 5 am. I get up at 6 (sorry, I’m pregnant and nursing, I need all the sleep I can get). We are all out of the house at 7. We both come home at 6 pm, feed/bathe the kids and put them to sleep. Then we both start our “second” job – I take care of the house, my husband davens, learns, does chesed etc. We try to get to sleep by 11 pm because I can’t survive on less and my husband has to drive so he needs a decent amount of sleep. Sundays are about davening, learning, chinuch for our kids, chesed etc.
That Kollel family where the husband works in the evening? So he’s working from 8 pm – 10 pm? 2 hours a day? That’s mesiras nefesh?
My FIL works 2 jobs to support his family. He usually wakes up around 3 am. He works for a long time at home, commutes 2-3 hours a day, works about 50-60 hours at his job, comes home and does more work. Forvive me for being unimpressed by the 5 am – 10:30 pm guy. That’s not that abnormal to me.
And not giving to Kollel doesn’t mean supporting Torah. It means not supporting a healthy adult man who is not taking responsibility for his family. I support schools, kiruv organizations…these are all increasing the amount of Torah learned.
Its interesting because my friends in Kollel are telling me how dire the situations in their Kollels are. Many of them haven’t been paid their stipend in months, if at all. Most kollelin are struggling to pay their basic bills, like electricity and water. So yes, they are asking for my money to run. Unfortunately for them, I know too many starving people.