Kollel is not a right that you are entitled to – it is a something to be acquired through hard work and sacrifice. If you want to do it badly enough – you will find the way to do it on your own. That is how I determine in my mind who should be sitting and learning. When I got married – I knew I wanted a husband sitting and learning for a long time – but my parents had barely enough money for themselves and I didn’t dream of asking them for anything. I got an education, a job, and a great guy – who learned in Kollel for 15 years. We actually gave our parents money when they needed it. I have many friends who did the same thing. My husband would not go out with any girls whose parents suggested that they go on programs and he didn’t demand support from anybody. We both didn’t feel that it was anybodys but our own responsibility to support us. We didn’t ask anybody for money to buy a house, a car – or anything. B”H – Hashem provided for us. My husband also (in addition to learning at least 14 hours a day) helped take care of the house, dr’s appts, and tried in every way to make my life easier as he appreciated what I was doing to help us continue in our chosen lifestyle. He also did things on the side to earn money. IY”H when my children decide to get married – if they decide that they want to live a Kollel life – while I would love to help them out – and will if I can – they know that if they are old enough to get married – then they are old enough to figure out how to support their families. While I don’t believe that ‘I’ was responsible for providing for our family – and truly believe that Hashem is in charge – I did my Hishtadlus – got an education – and didn’t decide to be a Bais Yaakov teacher making $15K a year – and depend on handouts for the rest. We have to teach our children responsiblity – that Torah must be earned and is not just a free for all. For all these commenters who believe that it is the responsibility of the Klal to support Kollel – that is not when 90% of the Oilam decides to learn in Kollel without much struggle. Why should I kill myself all year working and then give money to a family where the wife works 3 hours a day – and is off in the summer – and buys more expensive food than I (because they are on food stamps). Not that we don’t give money to individuals in E”Y who are the real MCoys – we do – but when I see these young kollel couples going to florida on vacation – while their mother’s and father’s are working 2 jobs to support them – it makes my blood boil. As I’ve said before – it you take away all the govt programs and parental support – how many people currently in Kollel would still be there? Once you have your answer – those are the people that I believe should be the ones sitting and learning.
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