Believe me I know it is a very hard thing for you to do,but you have to change what’s going on in your head. I think the Satmar Rebbe once told his talmid who did a very terrible thing and he kept on doing tshuvah about it, and saying what he did again and again, and the Rebbe said, stop doing tshuvah on this thing-the yetzer hora wants you back in the mud, and even though you are saying how much you regret it, you are just thinking about it again and again. Get off the subject – go join a class, volunteer to help parents take care of their sick children, shop for old ladies, you probably have good taste, lots of mothers can’t figure out what to buy for their kids/what looks good, maybe you can help them shop, you can find something that will make you feel wonderful about yourself.
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