When I was a teenager, I wanted to do certain things which aggravated my family. The response I got was, “Wait until you’re older, then decide what you want to do.” So for most things I waited. And guess what…. Some of them I still wanted to do, and I did them. And there were some I was very, very glad that I hadn’t done and was grateful to my family for warning me off.
What we think and want at 17 is sometimes not what we think and want at 25 (and usually for the rest of our lives). So let it rest for now. Pretend in your imagination that you’re wearing a black hat and act the way you think you would if you were literally wearing it. That way if you decide to put it on later you won’t have any trouble adjusting, unlike some people who unfortunately put it on automatically at bar mitzvah and then have trouble figuring out what it means.