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Derech Hamelech: I believe that you by your own admission need further clarification on this issue”Obviously if the gedolim say to oppose it….trying to understand why.”There is nothing wrong with that and I commend you for your honesty please consult with your Daas Torah or some other respected Talmid Chochom if you wish to remain anonymous. But I will answer your last point, unfortunately one must realize that having this taiva can stem from addiction, sickness, the result of being emotionally unwell or somewhat of a predisposition to this behavior which became triggered.This can happen to anyone not just people who could not get married. May you be Zoche to be Derech Hamelech