‘…my mother in law shifted the blame to me and said “why did you let yourself go?”‘
Your MIL raised your husband…the modus operandi of abusers is to blame others and not take responsibility themselves.
Even if you are 10 pounds overweight, you still do not deserve to have cups of water thrown at you or be the recipient of onaas dvorim or neglected.
Check out the abuse wheel and see if you can identify with any of the behaviors at domesticviolence.org/violence-wheel/
Even if you would lose the weight, guaranteed there would be something else about you that would be found lacking. This never ends, as none of us is perfect.
A healthy relationship should include support, communication, boundaries, trust, respect, honesty, accountability, & responsiblity