What you write in your post #91 may be true – maybe he is a victim as well. And there might be a way to repair things and to stay together, though it will be very difficult.
However, I would say the first priority should be to be separate for a while. He should understand that it has gone too far. He needs therapy – and so do you, and the children.
After that, when your mind is clear and the wounds are healing, you can think about the future – with him or without him.