Just to throw in my 2 cents to the advice the obvious advice of get help.
I grew up with a narcissist father and mother suffering from battered wife syndrome (which you seem to suffer from as well). By the time I had my bar mitzvah I had already asked my mother why she doesn’t divorce my father. That was when he still hit us (‘us’ as in the children, he never hit my mother). Around that time my mother was somehow able to get him to stop. However, the psychological abuse remained and if anything increased once he no longer opted to vent his tension physically.
The pros of staying in an abusive relationship for your children
-your children will “know their father”
-your children will have have economical support.
The cons of staying in an abusive relationship for your children
-your children will “know (the monster that) their father (is)”
-your children will learn to mimic the relationships they see to their own spouses
-your children will suffer psychological problems of their own, that they may spend the rest of their lives working through
My father also had his “good times”. In fact that’s part of the cycle of an abuser. The abuse need not be physical for it to be damaging. Most of my father’s abuse was/is psychological.
I urge you b’chol minei bakashos, to continue to pursue help from a rov, the task force or any other lifeline, with every ounce of strength you have. Whatever you are willing to suffer with from your husband, you’re children don’t have the understanding that you have and the abuse is all the more intense coming from a person who should ostensibly be their protector. As hard as it may be now, when you’re children are older they will appreciate the true mesirus nefesh that you had to protect them by saving them from an abusive father way more then for “putting up with him”. That seems to be a mistake that my mother made and she suffers from that decision daily, whether she is capable of recognizing it anymore or not.
DFor your sake and for the sake of your children, pursue help from any source you can find it. Persevere and do not stop until this situation is completely resolved.