aries-“The system itself has kept these boys from growing and maturing.”
Age gap has little bearing on this problem.
DaasYochid-“the yeshiva boys I know practice all of the things you’ve mentioned to a higher degree than the boys who are not in yeshiva. The Torah itself teaches these things, and in my experience, serious talmidim practice what they learn.”
To a big degree you are right, especially regarding serious bochurim, but not all bochurim are serious, and even for those who are, there is something about being out there and having to please bosses, customers etc, work hard, be limaasadick, that makes a person grow.
That being said, todays working environmr=ent is dangerous for an unanchored bochur. Torah im derech erets is not yet an option. Maybe schools should start sensitivity training from 9th grade-spend more time on mussar etc. and at 19 or 20 focus it more towards the mentchlachkeit aspects of marriage. Why do they have to wait until he is a chosson, and then give him a crash course on middos when he has 100 other things on his mind? Teach specifics on how to treat and understand a wife, in-laws, not to have an “es kimt mich” attitude regarding support etc.