Reply To: what people look for in shidduch dating

So, I know there are countless posts regarding the issue, and it’s one that many people feel very strongly about, but I think it’s an interesting topic. I have yet to hear an answer that is logical, most are just emotional terutzim. Ready for it?…. What do you think regarding giving/asking for a photograph for a first date.

The way I see it is, a husband HAS to be attracted to his wife, and vice versa. It’s a waste of time, money, and emotions for both parties if they never make it to a second date because one isn’t attracted to the other. That being said, some people don’t really need much on the physical side to make them attracted to someone else, as their nature of attraction is just more personality-centric. These people, may not even ask to see a picture, which is fine. I think those that do ask for a picture are not “shallow” like some people may say, but they just want to save themselves and the other person the trouble. The fact that they arent able to develop an attraction to someone who isn’t physically appealing to them is not their fault, it’s just how they are hardwired. Just like some people are visual/tactile learners, and others are audio learners. It’s the way our brains work. I don’t understand the stigma against asking to see a photograph of a person before a date. I’ve read some comments that people wrote that “how could someone who learns about not looking at girls ask to look at a girl?” This is baseless because in this case it’s a mitzvah to look and see if you are potentially attracted. Isn’t there some chazal about how one should look at his kallah before the marriage to make sure she’s appealing to him?

Does anyone have a logical angle on why it’s not right to ask for a picture?