“the guys mothers generallly speaking (outside of Roshei Yeshiva families) want”
This statement is a major contributing factor to all problems. Who cares what the mothers want, it is what the guys want that matters (or should). Bypass the mothers and you will see many more shidduchim. My personal policy when redting a shidduch is speak to the guy/gal directly and I try to avoid the mothers at all times. They are the single greatest hinderance to any shidduch.