superme-
I hope you realize the posters here(myself included) are not minimizing the feelings of mistrust and insecurity you are writing about regarding authority figures and people that should really be there to help but instead did the opposite.
It is normal to be afraid of being burned again but please,just because one/ some people made mistakes don’t condemn everyone as ill- equipped to help.
Many times we put excuses in front of ourselves such as the fear of disappointment (Other popular defense mechanisms against seeking help are I’ll be a bother , they wont help anyway,nobody knows what I really want …).
From the way you are describing things you need assistance or your choice is to remain upset and confused.
Additionally,it is natural to feel unpleasant about turning to others for help.In reality most people are more then happy to help another person in distress.
This is your life, by reaching out to seek assistance you are actually empowering yourself for the better.
2)Not suggesting “mentoring” but I promise that Asay Licha Rav & Ukine Licha Chaver was not just meant for a teenager in crisis. As mentioned above everyone in life has situations that requires consultations with Rabbonim friends doctors teachers etc…
I promise the people you consult with will view you as a valuable member of Klal Yisrael and as a person not as a case number in need of a mentoring emergency.
P.S. I will admit that(whether whom I suggested or someone else) there is a possibility that one of those people that help you through this might actually become a mentor for you 🙂
3)Focus on the positives! When dealing with a stressful situation it can take away a perspective of what is going good in life. Please try to enjoy the rest of your mid winter break.