aproudbyg: You seem to be a strong person. Keep it up! Over time you will develop a stronger sense of self and be able to ascertain what help you really need.
If you cannot afford therapy or are simply afraid to ‘rock the boat’, you should call the Yitty Leibel Helpline 718- 435-7669. You can reach professional, free, confidential, frum women there who will help you get to the next step.
Meanwhile, make sure you eat right, sleep well, and exercise. Take a multivitamin. I know it sounds stupid, but it will help you get through this time and enable you to deal with your problems with a clearer head.