Dear aproudbyg,
I really wish I could be there for you because the more you post, the more I remember what it was like for me decades ago. I remember hiding in the bathroom from her because it was the only place she wouldn’t come after me (although I could still hear her yelling through the door). Tiptoeing around and never knowing if/when it was safe to talk or even be seen. The justifications for the screaming and foul language. Being too embarrassed to have friends over because I didn’t want to be humiliated in front of them. Being yelled at for never having friends over… I couldn’t win.
This may seem harsh, but here’s what you have to do: GET OUT. Everything you do now, you need to do with the ultimate goal of leaving and not looking back. It is TRULY pikuach nefesh. I wish I could help you…