saysme = “ Where do you get this from? It may apply to some girls, and the opposite may be true for others, that by offering help, by having casual conversation, the mood is improved and calmed and made positive. Perhaps her starting discussion on a safe topic can lead to a shared laugh, a positive moment together. By acting like a servant, who only helped when and what asked and avoiding conversation, this can actually cause a blowup, anger, or resentment.“
I am not suggesting for her to ignore mom or to go on a shut-down. What I did suggest, was to keep discussions to a minimum and not to offer more help than is necessary.
From what she said about her mom, she will not end up having too many light and easy conversations and definitely not any shared laughs. On the contrary, her mom will get irritated and annoyed.
If you say that the mood will improve, etc, let me tell you that in most cases it certainly does not. When it does, it’s very temporary, lasting only a couple minutes and can be worse later.
(If you know anyone who somehow got better by offering more help, then I can guarantee you that their situation or their mother was obviously not the same as this one.)
And yes, keeping a low profile will help her cope better. It’s definitely not a solution, but for now, a way to cope with the situation, until there is a solution.