What you said about the Soton bringing these thoughts specifically when we bring kedusha in to this world is so true, I’ve heard it before as well. What really helped me get over this habit (not an addiction B”H) was that I knew what triggered my actions so I was able to avoid putting myself in a situation that I couldn’t get out of. It’s been three years since my decision to shape up -I’m not that old, still a teen but barely- and I’ve fallen so so so many times since then, but as they say “sheva yipol tzaddik v”kam” just keep getting up and keep going.
Another thing “Life is like riding a bicycle – to keep your balance you must keep moving”. This works for me: fill your life with good things, don’t sit around and let inspiration pass by. Grab opportunities to grow, be it through a speech, working with special needs/sick kids, helping someone out secretly… it will all make you feel so good about yourself you wouldn’t want to come down from your spiritual high! And when you do come down, it’s much easier to get back up there cuz you know how good it makes you feel. It gets so so so much easier every time it happens, but then again the tests get harder and harder cuz otherwise how do you expect become all you can be?
Just btw – I downloaded that R’ Wallerstein speech you mentioned in your thread like 3 months ago. Wow! So powerful…not finished listening to it yet but it was strong enough to put me in tears – and that takes a lot. So thanks for that!