To the-art-of-moi: (Sorry if I spelled it wrong)
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- This topic has 154 replies, 17 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 3 months ago by YW Moderator-127.
November 15, 2013 3:46 pm at 3:46 pm #992590
My dad came home from his vacation a few days early. There are fireworks going off downstairs and I’m hiding out in my room with the music blasting but the highest volume on my ipod won’t drown out the crying in my heart. I was hoping that now that my parents had a break from each other they would somehow start getting along… I hate my dad. I wish he’d stop abusing my mom and learn his lesson for once! Seriously, even getting arrested won’t stop him. The stuff he was caught doing are awful. He traumatized people to the extent that years of therapy didn’t help them recover. Everyone keeps saying they’re davening he’ll get off easy. I bet they wouldn’t guess I’m davening he’ll be put away for life. And I feel guilty for doing that because really I should daven for him to do teshuvah. But deep down I know that no matter what he says or does, I’ll never forgive him for wrecking my life. And that is what I feel the most guilt about.November 15, 2013 3:51 pm at 3:51 pm #992592
Was it cuz I hinted at my age? Puh-leeeez I couldn’t care less. Can you please post my post!
We don’t have time to edit posts. Rewrite it without identifying information. Be careful.November 15, 2013 3:57 pm at 3:57 pm #992593
TAOM – I must pair you up with one of my friends, she is going through something so similar with her father all her life… It’s especially weird cuz your personality always reminded me of her. Just really odd. I really don’t know what to tell you. And I’m not going to say I understand your pain, cuz I don’t. But know that we’re with you in it! I’m probably your biggest fan 🙂
I just came across something I wrote last year when my life sort of resembled Nechama Cohen’s song “Complicated” Enough said. I’m not going to post it as it is really personal (yeh, I’m one of those who write my diaries in poetic form…) but it was about riding the waves. You know there are ups and downs, its rhythmic, it’s life. But then there are those times that you are really high but all of the sudden you find yourself underwater struggling to breath and you feel like you’re going to drown. And you can’t even make your way to the surface, let alone to ride another wave. That’s where my poem ended, but I plan on sitting down and finishing it this afternoon. The same waters that pushed you down, is going to bring you back up. And back down. But up again. You know what I’m saying…
I too have a really hard time dealing with people’s idiotic questions. See my rant about it in a different thread… I finally figured out that people mean well, they’re just not sure how to express themselves. I actually pity them.
And please, find someone ASAP. Someone that you can speak to face to face. Please! And not someone your age (I’m saying that from experience) as it will only messes things up more than it is.
And one more thing, next time you send out an invitation to you funeral make sure not to send it to meNovember 15, 2013 4:03 pm at 4:03 pm #992594
And I feel guilty for doing that because really I should daven for him to do teshuvah.
Be careful with what you daven for, as God listens. He listened to me, twice. And I will feel guilty for the rest of my life for wrecking other people’s lives. And almost my own too.
You want to come to my place for Shabbos?November 15, 2013 4:21 pm at 4:21 pm #992595
Mods, that was a virtual invitation. I’m not actually going to see her…November 15, 2013 5:30 pm at 5:30 pm #992596
You’re so nice! What would I do without the CR… I wish I could somehow meet that friend of yours! Try convincing her to join the cr family, K? Your post is so eloquent- I could tell you write poetry! I do too btw. I haven’t got that much talent but it’s theraputic so I do it anyways. I get what you’re saying about the waves of life… Everything you said was so true! Do you have any poems that aren’t private? If you feel comfy posting one or two (or more!) then please do so! I wish I could find someone to talk to but… I dunno. I just feel really awkward which I guess can be expected from someone in my situation. If things don’t start looking up then I’ll call a teacher I’m kinda close with. I spoke to her this past summer when things were pretty bad so she knows some stuff- I wouldn’t have to tell her everything… OK, b’li neder, I’ll call her sometime soon. As for my funeral invitations- next time things blow u like this, I don’t think I’ll have the presence of mind to think about whom to invite. I’ll just send out a mass mailing;(
I get what you’re saying about being careful about the stuff I daven for. I’m just really frustrated right now so I’m not thinking logically. I hope someday you’ll get over your guilty consience- someone as wonderful as you doesn’t deserve that! As for the Shabbos invite- OMIGOSH, I wish! I need a break from my life. I can’t go through another Shabbos with my parents yelling all the time, I really can’t! I wish there was a way we could meet in three dimensional life… You seem like someone I’d be on good terms with!
Have a great Shabbos and thanks for your posts!November 15, 2013 8:44 pm at 8:44 pm #992597
how you doing today pal! I’m so glad my post helped 🙂 My friends at home tell me I’m always giving good adivce, and I LOVE helping them out! So anytime 🙂
I was really thinking about you today and davening for your situation! (i hope Hashem knows who “the art of moi from the CR” is 🙂 And I had an idea that may seem a bit radical to you, but if you take a step back from your sitation (like where each of us in the CR is) you might find this helpful. What if you tried acting like he isn’t ruining your life. ok ok, you might be laughing at your screen right now! But really. You are in a place of ability in this situation. Ability meaning you are able to be a mkae it or break it point for your father. Since you are his daughter, believe it or not, he loves you and hes a human and every human makes mistakes. He probably was unable to control his yetzer at the time of the mistake. Clearly the affects of his mistake have been affecting you too (and rightfully so you are allowed to be upset and angered by it). But think for a second, who is YOUR PERSONAL anger affecting? Really it is only you! your father has his own things he needs to deal with and doesn’t realize how he is affecting everyone around him.
so here is my advice! instead of resenting him, embrace him. Think of it as an OTD child to parents. Yes, the kid makes the family look bad and makes the parents upset and depressed and embarassed. But at the end of the day, it was not the parents fault (unless it was but were looking at a situation where it wasn’t). So to, your dads actions do not relfect who you are! an amazing inspiring, strong willed person! Anyone who does not recognize that, is not worth spending time explaing to! As for you, embrace your father. Show him that you love him for him and that you are ONE SHINING LIGHT, if not THE ONLY SHINING light in his life! He already is paternally attached to you, and I know hes hurt you and your family. I know it. And I’m so so sorry! But please try this other approach. Keep all your anger and direct it to an lolder person who will listen to your venting. And then come back to your father and tell him hes still your role model. And that you know that he has the ability to make teshuva. In this time for him, you have no idea how it can save him from doing even worse things. If he sees he has the support of someone so close to him, and that he hasnt let EVERYONE down! You can be the changing factor in his life!
I know this is going to be extremly challenging for you! But Hashem always makes things harder when something even more amazing will come out of it! (Like Avrohom inviting the guests into his tent even though he’d have a bris! Look how challenging it must have been, but he pushed through and Yitzchak was born because of it!)November 16, 2013 3:53 pm at 3:53 pm #992598
Come sleepover at me????? Lol
Have any friends out of town? Pretend you miss tgem and get them to invite you for a weekend, its the best!
That must be SO crazy, I cant say I completely know how you feel, but drowning out the fighting/cursing /abusing parents with music, I SOOOO can relate!!!! I wish I could give out advice like OurTorah, but Hey, Im going through similar stuff, just not that magnitude BARUCH HASHEM, + plenty of other stuff I dont wish upon anybody and Im only your age.
But if you share your burden with me, I promis not to get overwhelmed. On Shabbos I burst out cring and just cried all Mincha for you……I dont understand why there cant be a list to not only daven for sick people, but also people like us whom Baruch Hashem arent sick, but still need Tefillos.
Plus there are 1 or 2 people here who know my identity, sorry to be vague about some stuff.
But maybe we’ll dorm together in seminary in like 3 years or something….lol, I wish, we’ll happen to see each other posting and be like “OMG, NOW WAY!!!” Then we’ll give each other a big hug and…..sorry, the point Im trying to say WAS…
That maybe if you cant tell EVERYTHING find someone to tell just a few of the little things, thats what I do currently, B”H I have 1 friend I can trust but Im not willing to trust anyone again so all she knows is that Im going through ALOT but not what im going through, and she just tells me she is there for me and talks about Hashem and how he loves me and if my life is so hard Im gonna get lots of Schar in Olam Haba and that im holier than her (not like holey, i mean holy) if my tests are harder…blah blah blah….
She’s really great, I know she would have TONZ to say to you…..maybe Ill ask her what she would say and post it up for you! 🙂
Just remember that If HaShem gave you this test, you have the tools to cope, Hashem handmade this test for you, remember that he cares for you, he really does. Use this test as a chance to get closer to HaShem…and
OMG my friend just told me about this book that I should read……and from what she said it would be perfect for you, Ill get you the title and author ASAP, kay?
You can always vent here, its glad to know we are all poetry writers (me, u, and streekgeek)
we should meet one day….in olam habah I guess.
BTW keeping a diary is like THE best thing ever!!!!!!! And if you like music so much, take your poems and turn them into songs, or start writing songs, and whenever you r down you can sing them. It RLLY WORKS!!!!!
Im davening for you! Make sure to tell us what is going on!!!!!!!November 17, 2013 12:22 am at 12:22 am #992600
TAOM – Kinda in a rush tonight. A zillion things going on. I don’t have time to fully read your post but I’ll make time hopefully tomorrow. But just a few things:November 17, 2013 2:03 pm at 2:03 pm #992601
I wanted to say EXACTLY what streekgeek said…but you….know…couldnt find the words! BTW, you DO need to find someone, My friend was going through alot and didnt tell anyone and her hair started falling out cuz of stress…..so umm…ya! Stress will come out one way or another, if not through your mouth then…you get it…
NotHate to scare you…..(BTW see my post above streekgeeks here, kay? This is just an add-on)
The book my friend has is called “Sticks and stones” and she dosent know the author, I will get back to you on that and please remember I havent read it at all, so if it actually has nothing to do with your life, please dont blame me. She said its how to deal with abusive or just hard to deal with people….
Davening 4 U everyday!!!!!!November 17, 2013 10:32 pm at 10:32 pm #992602
I’m reaaaaaaaally busy with midterms right now so i cant respond to any of your posts. Just want to say you guys are the best! I read all of your posts and they were so sweet. BH things are looking up. More details later. Have a gnight everyone!November 18, 2013 12:35 am at 12:35 am #992603
Ok, finally made some time to get back here and actually read your post…Midterms? Ughhhh…. But glad to hear things are looking up 🙂 YAY!!!November 18, 2013 1:03 pm at 1:03 pm #992604kapustaParticipant
I’ve wanted to post for a while. Sorry for the delay.
I was watching a clip of something recently, where someone very overweight was starting to work out with a personal trainer. The trainer pulled out 20 pound chains, and started putting them on him one by one until he had added 80 pounds extra. The trainer then explained to him that by his being at that weight, he was shlepping around weights that he never took off. To transfer that to life, some of the “weight” (stress) is impossible to take off, but if someone else can help carry even some of the extra, it means you have less to carry by yourself. A teacher you feel comfortable approaching will likely have your best interests in mind and do what she can to help you. You don’t have to get into the nitty gritty now, but its still a way to ease the load some. If you’re uncomfortable talking to her directly at first, maybe you can write her a note and leave it in her box in the office.
I think you’ve mentioned you want to go into social work. Doctors spend years going through rigorous schooling and training. When they finish with it, they can save lives. I’ve been there (different way), and I know sometimes its “just” hard, and sometimes it seems impossible but I believe pain is pain, whatever type. And maybe one day you can use the pain you’ve been through to help people.
Tears are incredibly powerful and every one goes somewhere. I’m sorry things are so hard now and I hope that you’ll be on to the bigger and better very soon IY”H. <3
TAUNovember 18, 2013 2:25 pm at 2:25 pm #992605
Mid terms here too, I barely have time to write. Please find time 4 us, ok?
And good luck?!!!!! Post when you can!November 18, 2013 10:58 pm at 10:58 pm #992606
Yay, I’m almost done with these midterms! Two more tommorow and then I’m FRRRRRREEEEEEEE!!!
Kapusta, OUR, Shopping, Streek- I really appreciate all of your posts. IYH I’m going to respond tomorrow! Have a good day/night!November 19, 2013 12:01 am at 12:01 am #992607
looking forward to hearing from you!!! i can barley sit in lecture i wanna know how your doing!!! 🙂 YOU TOO SHOPPING!!!November 19, 2013 5:19 am at 5:19 am #992608
Im doing fine…keeping a positive attitude and surviving somehow…..just studying….Ive never studied like more than a half an hour in my life and suddenly I got to study like crazy.. like for days on end, seriously, in the olden days no one had to study so hard!!!.then I get the stupid test in gibberish and Im like HELP! Sometimes someone can translate though….November 19, 2013 5:21 am at 5:21 am #992609
CANT WAIT TAOM!!!!! But I can only see it till the next day 😛 You gotta write like EVERYTGING!November 19, 2013 2:44 pm at 2:44 pm #992610
WOOOHOOOO! I’m counting down the hours ;)Though I’m not sure if I could make it here tonight, busy busy stuffs….but I’ll try my hardest!!November 19, 2013 10:56 pm at 10:56 pm #992611fkellyMember
Haven’t been to the CR in a couple of days, sorry if my responses are a bit late.
TAOM- The reason we overwhelm friends are age is because we pick the wrong people to talk to. Once you find people going through similar experiences, you will find that they can listen to anything. I found a couple of friends like that, all of whom were from different groups and very different personalities than me, but now we are such close friends. I’d suggest if you don’t have someone older to talk to, find someone close to your age who seems to be going thru something hard too.
OUTORAH- Your advice to embrace someone works if they can overcome their issues. It is never recommended to forgive an abuser and try to come close to them. Normal rules of getting rid of resentment don’t apply here.November 20, 2013 5:46 am at 5:46 am #992613
That would probobly be me! 😉November 21, 2013 12:37 am at 12:37 am #992614
nu…taom!!!November 21, 2013 7:03 am at 7:03 am #992615
Nu, where is it?November 21, 2013 11:35 pm at 11:35 pm #992616
I’m so sorry I haven’t updated you guys. That was really mean of me…. It’s just that life is so insanely busy and I literally don’t have enough time to post anything more than a three sentence post like this one. IYH, I’ll post something on either Friday or Sunday- that’s when I have free time. Probobly not till Monday… So sorry!November 22, 2013 8:43 am at 8:43 am #992617
Just keep holding on and we’ll keep being there for you!!!!!! Plus being busy makes you think less, so thats good that you are busy! 😉
Were waiting!November 28, 2013 7:42 am at 7:42 am #992618
TAOM its already thursday!
Can you try to update soon????December 2, 2013 4:17 pm at 4:17 pm #992619
edited by mod-127
School is really way too much sometimes (always)…
My dad was in a good mood for a few days after that but then his old nature came through and he’s back to his cursing/ controlling self. I like this part of him more than the depressed dude that he was when he was in trouble with the law, but it’s still real hard having him as a parent and having to witness all he does first hand and still be obligated in kibud av. My sis is in therapy cuz of the strain he’s having on her but I’m not working, thus I don’t have the money to do so myself. Too bad, I’ll have to hold out on my own I guess…. BH life is back to normal which isn’t really normal but… the usual.
And I want to take this opportunity and thank all the wonderful people that posted such long messages even though they’ve never even met me in real life. Thank you for not jugding me, oh gosh i gtg. I’ll continue this soon.December 2, 2013 4:41 pm at 4:41 pm #992620
I wish you hadn’t done that, but I’ll trust you on this one that it’s for my own good. Can I try reposting that with even less details? Cuz I feel really bad- it’s like I’m playing with these peoples feelings and not telling them what happened in the end…
You don’t owe anyone anything. Especially not private details about your life. Especially on an online forum. Feel free to blame us mods for deleting posts that have compromising personal details. You can just say that B”H things are doing better, without specifics, and we’ll be happy for you. On another note, I’d like to suggest that you look into options which would allow you to get therapy free or very cheap.December 2, 2013 4:49 pm at 4:49 pm #992622YW Moderator-127Moderator
It’s easier to approve it and then add comments, as we can’t edit unapproved posts. So you can check back a few minutes later.December 2, 2013 4:50 pm at 4:50 pm #992623
OK, I get that. Thanks.
As for your suggestion about therapy, thanks for caring. You’re really nice.
My pleasure. I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time, and hope it only gets better.December 2, 2013 6:24 pm at 6:24 pm #992624
Look, we understand your busy and cant respond to each of us. Plus its a good thing the mods do not let you say evrrything, I wish they were as nice as that with me when I go and blab my life story here, then later I need to take the time and beg them to delete it…..
Look, everyo ne these days needs therapy, there are organazations and also self therapy, hotlines and more. It seems like you have the web to yourself, there is so much help you can find on it! Not just bad things!!!!
Im sorry you are struggling with semf control on the internet. Everyone has their battles, even though it isnt mine it is probobly as hard for you as something else is for me.
Mod 27 you do really care!!!! It also helps to have a positive attitude! Even myself slip up on this many times, but I pick myself up again and again. Thats what you gotta do, anytime you notice you are slacking off or falling in something, stop, take a deep breath, and continue where you were (this really works with paying attention while davening!)
You don’t owe us anything, yes I was worried, and I’m your friend and was scared something had happened,, but you don’t even know me in real life…unfortunately
Even if you did, you have a right not what or to tell ANYONE here or in real life. Yes the person may be angry (in real life, not here, this is like the internet….sorry to say its not reality) but you have your rights. You have a right to tell everyone your life story and your feelings….
You wrote also that you hoped no one saw you while crying in davening. If you weree embaressed to cry, that is sad, sad for the girls in your class whom do not understand that Hashem is yoyr best friend and you need a relashenship with him. Your relashenship with Hashem is private, just like you dont tell the whole class what you do with [email protected] friend and that you had a sleepover with _____, you say it is none of their biusness, (in a kind way “Its between me and her, we’d appreciate it if you didn’t ask about our relashenship”) because it is not the girls who is asking’s relashenship but yours with ______ friend and it has truly nothing to do with anyone who asks. So to your relashenshil with Hashem. If anyone asks why you cried, ask “Don’t YOU cry to our father in heaven? Don’t YOU have a relashenship with him??”
Thatll get them to be quiet and feel a little guilty and give them some mussar…December 2, 2013 6:25 pm at 6:25 pm #992625
127: you never suggested therapy for me??!?!? Just cuz I dont say everything on the internet….
If you must know, I do think you would benefit from therapy.
We appreciate your restraining yourself and making our job easier.December 2, 2013 6:26 pm at 6:26 pm #992626
Btw we are rlly happy you came to give us an update!!! Keep strong!!! 😉December 2, 2013 7:31 pm at 7:31 pm #992627
Way to make me feel guilty…
Do I really make the mods jobs hard?!
<sniffle>December 2, 2013 7:46 pm at 7:46 pm #992629
Sigh. Mod, I’m trying so hard to be a model poster. Could you be kind enough to tell me where I slipped up so I could improve?December 2, 2013 8:27 pm at 8:27 pm #992630
TAOM- hey pal, we don’t need details! we just want to hear that you are ok. I am so glad you got to see a few days of your father being happier and nicer. It should be that silver lining that your father can come to hopefully with help from someone, or even on his own realization. As for you, the cheapest therapy is venting. So please go find someone to confide in (if you havent already) maybe someone who knows you well like an aunt or teacher or rabbi (someone with your best intrest in mind) and spill all the burden that is building up on ur heart. You are such a sweet girl, you need to live your life! I hate knowing that one of Hashems precious children are suffering out there for an action that is not their own. Keep strong and PLEASE PLEASE go talk to someone TONIGHT!!!
streekgeek- you gotta get on the good side of the mods, aka me and 29 are already besties!
🙂December 2, 2013 8:29 pm at 8:29 pm #992631
TAOM did you see my above post?December 2, 2013 8:41 pm at 8:41 pm #992632
streekgeek- you gotta get on the good side of the mods, aka me and 29 are already besties!
That’s never gonna happen – I think I’ll always be on their bad side…You want to advocate on my behalf?
I would try reposting but I don’t want a repeat of last week. So now I’m kind of stuck 🙁
It’s never to late to turn over a new leaf. I do so several times a day 🙂December 2, 2013 9:13 pm at 9:13 pm #992633
I’m always turning over leafs. Now that it’s fall I go out of my way to step on them sometimes, something I never outgrew.
So what should I do? Resubmit my post and you’ll edit whatever you don’t think is appropriate? I really don’t know what was wrong…
Hey btw was it you that switched my occupation in my profile?
A lot of posts about tznius issues get deleted because we try to stay on the safe side. We don’t edit posts.
Also, please press Enter twice between paragraphs, so that your posts are readable.
I think if you repost without the line about tznius and with paragraph breaks so it’s readable, it has a good chance of getting through. 🙂
It was not me who switched your occupation.
Mod 127December 2, 2013 9:49 pm at 9:49 pm #992634
Thanks 127, I appreciate your response and can definitely understand that 🙂 Now here goes:
TAOM: I’m so happy that you’re back 🙂 And also that things are back to normal, though I’d be happier if things were better than normal….I agree with mod 127 that we’d be just as happy without specifics and I personally wouldn’t feel the least bit slighted if you left me hanging without details. Just let us know when things are okay next time cuz I was a wee bit worried.
As for your other post (writing it here cuz its easier) I looked up that thread you were referring to about your self control, and was a little spooked out cuz that could have very easily been written by me a few years back. Like seriously word for word….especially about thinking things during davening. I remember a talk I had with my principal about this and she said there was a graduate who came crying to her shortly after her wedding that as she was walking down to the chuppa on the holiest hour and day of her life she had the most inappropriate thoughts and it ruined the rest of her night. This idea really freaked me out as I don’t want that happening to me! I don’t think anyone does. You’ll see it will become so much easier and your sensitivities that were so desensitized by what you’ve seen will come back eventually. It will take a long time, and it may seem forever until they do, but it will happen! I’m glad your working on this, and you’re starting earlier than when I did, so by the time you reach my ripe old age this will all be a thing of the past. Wishing you lots of luck till then, but you’re gonna get there!December 3, 2013 5:16 pm at 5:16 pm #992635
Shopping- Have you ever spilled your life story here? I’ve never seen it… I guess the mods are really fast! Thanks for pointing out that I shouldn’t be embarassed abt crying during davening. I’m usually not like that, but I guess I just want to look normal after everything that happened withmy dad. I just want them to forget about it and think of me as a typical high cchooler! Which is prbly not going to happen… Look, at least I’m trying!
OURtorah- The last time I tried doing that the person told everyone. Please stop posting stories or I will just delete the post. -127 I don’t want t o try again. I want to…. I dunno. I just want to wake up one bright morning and find that all my symptoms have disappeared. Whatevs….
mod 29 is so cute! He/She’s great at coming up with subtitles!
streek- THANK YOU for that post! I’ve been really worried lately about just the stuff you were saying- not being able to stop thinking about that stuff. I hope it’ll all go away by the time I’m your age. It’s not so much the images I remember, it’s the stories- I feel like they’ll be in my brain forever… And I always think of them at the worst times! During davening, on Shabbos, while giving a shiur in camp on the parsha… It’s awful! I heard a shiur by I think R’ Wallerstein, x sure, in which the speaker said that the soton doesn’t want you to be a ble to bring kedusha into the world and so whenever you are, he brings bad thoughts to your mind. If the person he’s distracting has a history with the internet, then it’s really easy for him to stop us! He just makes us think of the stuff we’ve seen and done and then we lose hope and stop bringing kedusha into the world. That shiur really helped me! I really admire you for having the strength to break outa your habit. By me it was more of an addiction than a habit, dunno about you. It seems I used the dark side of the internet to escape my issues instead of facing them… But B”H Hashem gave me the courage to stop. Life is harder without the constant distraction but it was def worth it.December 3, 2013 5:27 pm at 5:27 pm #992636
K, you’re right. This is the official end of my posting my life story here. It’s wrong of me to use something made for fun and games and turn it into something that makes people sad. Do you forgive me?
Yes, but that’s not why it’s wrong. Your life story is private. It is also against YWN policies to post information that makes it possible to track down a poster. – 127December 3, 2013 7:14 pm at 7:14 pm #992637
What you said about the Soton bringing these thoughts specifically when we bring kedusha in to this world is so true, I’ve heard it before as well. What really helped me get over this habit (not an addiction B”H) was that I knew what triggered my actions so I was able to avoid putting myself in a situation that I couldn’t get out of. It’s been three years since my decision to shape up -I’m not that old, still a teen but barely- and I’ve fallen so so so many times since then, but as they say “sheva yipol tzaddik v”kam” just keep getting up and keep going.
Another thing “Life is like riding a bicycle – to keep your balance you must keep moving”. This works for me: fill your life with good things, don’t sit around and let inspiration pass by. Grab opportunities to grow, be it through a speech, working with special needs/sick kids, helping someone out secretly… it will all make you feel so good about yourself you wouldn’t want to come down from your spiritual high! And when you do come down, it’s much easier to get back up there cuz you know how good it makes you feel. It gets so so so much easier every time it happens, but then again the tests get harder and harder cuz otherwise how do you expect become all you can be?
Just btw – I downloaded that R’ Wallerstein speech you mentioned in your thread like 3 months ago. Wow! So powerful…not finished listening to it yet but it was strong enough to put me in tears – and that takes a lot. So thanks for that!December 3, 2013 8:00 pm at 8:00 pm #992638
TAOM, I can’t understand why someone is NOT crying to her father?????
I went to the kosel a few times this week, and every time I just felt like running and hugging it like an old friend. Actually yesterday, while cryng there, a woman stopped me and put her hand on my shoulder and told me that everthing will be qll right and gave me a bracha! 🙂 Isn’t that amazing?!?! I didn’t even know her!!!!
Aww…come on TAOM, were glad to help, least I am! That what friends are for, no?
Me venting here was WAYYYYY before your time….like a 18 or 20 months ago. I stopped after I stopped myself and said “Do you really want to publisize alk this?” That and someone figured me out whom lived in my community, THAT was a little embaressing….December 3, 2013 11:01 pm at 11:01 pm #992639
TOAM- im not sure who you told the first time, but try a Rabbi or Teacher. Someone older. An aunt is always someone good to confide in as they are in the family and aware of the situation. PLEASE PLEASE go talk to someone! And when you do spill everything, there will be NO MODS to cut you off lol. Just talk to someone you know is trustworthy. You can do it, we all have faith in you. I wish you ciould just wake up to happy days, but you need to do your Hishtadlus. At least try it ok? If it doesnt work at least you can say you tried and then we can come up with another plan, but I really think this will be helpful.
REMBER- HASHEM PUTS SPECIFIC PEOPLE WITH SPECIFIC CHALLENGES BECAUSE HE KNOWS!!!! THAT THEY CAN OVERCOME THEM AND COME OUT STRONGER! You must be very special and I could only wish I knew you in person because then I’d be a very lucky girl.December 3, 2013 11:18 pm at 11:18 pm #992640
I’m running outa the house in a minute for my schools chagiga, so I can’t write too much- just wanna say-
Shopping- You are AMAZING!!!!! I’m jealous of everyone that is priveleged to know you in real life. I mean it, you’re awesome. Hashem is def shepping tonza nachas from you.
Shucks, I gtg.December 4, 2013 5:54 pm at 5:54 pm #992641
Bet Hashem is getting tonz of nachas from you!!!! Yes you!!!!! Even tbru everything going on, you still beleive he is there and gonna help you!!!December 5, 2013 3:14 pm at 3:14 pm #992642kapustaParticipant
A teacher may be able to help you with info about therapy. It would be easy for a teacher to look into someone good (which you want anyway) and cheaper options and its possible a teacher can help you figure out a way to cover the cost. I know some schools cover the cost of things sometimes and its possible your school would cover all or part. You can also mention to a teacher that you would like money for “something” (mention that its something good) and maybe they can help you find a part time job (like stuffing envelopes) that would help cover your cost. You can still get your teacher/school involved and still be discreet about it.
Hang in there 🙂December 5, 2013 4:41 pm at 4:41 pm #992643
99th post 🙂 Someone’s popular here…
What kapusta says about seeking help through school is a great idea! One of my friends in high school’s therapy was completely covered by my school, and you also won’t have to worry about compromising your privacy as they know how to be discreet. I say to give it a shot, I’m sure there are wonderful people in your school that you could approach! (And in case you were wondering I only knew about this because I was having issues with this particular friend and my principal tried explaining to me where my friend was coming from and why she acted the way she did. Not sure if you recall the thread I started about her when I first came here, though it’s been practically deleted by now cuz it had too many details which I felt were identifying…)
But anyways, I’m laughing at my first post on this thread from 4 weeks ago: TAOM, while I haven’t gotten to know you that well, as our paths haven’t crossed that much in the CR….December 6, 2013 1:49 am at 1:49 am #992644
streekgeek- I’m so glad that shiur inspired you! I’m obsessed with R’ Wallerstein- he’s an amazing person. This Chanuka I cried every day and stared into the candles every night( I heard that the chanuka neiros have the power to cleanse your neshama of impure things). And I’m so sad Chanukah is over!! I felt so connected to Hashem the whole time. Chanukah is a one of a kind chag, don’t you think? I’m trying to do more chessed these days… You’re right- the feeling a person gets from helping others is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!
OURtorah- Right now, all I want to do is just be NORMAL so I’m not going to cry to anyone about my parents. What I’m working on is appreciating my parents. They are the people Hashem knows are best for me. There are tons of people with parents that are a lot worse than mine! Hopefully, next year Chanuka I’ll have a good relationship with them… Thank you for your post- even though I will not be using your advice, your caring shown through.
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